Feb. 9, 2025
A Generational Look at Valentines Day: Traditions v Trends
The player is loading ...
Join Paul Zammit and Vince Loccisano in this engaging episode of "Why Is It So?" as they explore the changing dynamics of Valentine's Day and the concept of love across generations. They reflect on how traditional expressions of love, like newspaper ads and romantic dinners, have transformed in the age of social media. In a lively discussion, they delve into the significance of commemorating special days like Valentine's Day and the impact of modern societal norms on relationships.
Vince and Paul also contemplate the pressures and expectations surrounding love, from the weight of historical religious influences to contemporary dating trends influenced by reality TV and online interactions. They discuss challenges faced by those without partners on Valentine's Day and emphasize the importance of cherishing memories of love and making it enjoyable for those in relationships.
Tune in as they dissect generational differences in understanding love and marriage, offering insights that blend nostalgia with modern reflections, reminding us all to celebrate love in our own unique ways.
00:16 - Valentine's Day Reflections
01:16 - The Evolution of Love
07:14 - The Changing Social Scene
14:58 - Commitment and Modern Relationships
21:37 - Media's Influence on Love
24:56 - The Quest for Perfection
30:39 - Proposals and Love's Value
31:41 - Love Songs and Memories
WEBVTT
00:00:02.257 --> 00:00:06.557
Welcome to Why Is It So? Your last defence for common sense,
00:00:06.777 --> 00:00:10.297
with your co-hosts Paul Zammett and Vince Locizzano.
00:00:11.280 --> 00:00:16.880
Music.
00:00:16.997 --> 00:00:21.157
Well, Vince, good morning. Good morning, Paul. And it's a beautiful day.
00:00:21.337 --> 00:00:26.137
Yes. And just in a week or so's time, we've got Valentine's Day coming up.
00:00:26.377 --> 00:00:31.697
Yes, it is. It's that wonderful time of year when we celebrate love. Yes.
00:00:32.077 --> 00:00:37.397
And the newlyweds and the ones that have just got together this year. Yes.
00:00:37.837 --> 00:00:41.517
Maybe perhaps hadn't had a Valentine's Day before in that sense.
00:00:41.817 --> 00:00:45.757
Yes, that's right. It's always a very special time when you have your very first
00:00:45.757 --> 00:00:49.397
Valentine's Day experience. Oh, like everything for the first day. Don't you think?
00:00:49.717 --> 00:00:51.917
I think it is. I can't remember mine, can you?
00:00:52.317 --> 00:00:57.017
No, I can't remember that far, mate. I really can't. But I do remember one thing
00:00:57.017 --> 00:01:02.137
that we used to do back in the day that I don't know that it really happens that much anymore.
00:01:02.557 --> 00:01:06.337
What's that? Little advertisements that people put in the Herald Sun. Yes.
00:01:06.977 --> 00:01:11.917
Expressing their love for their partner. There used to be a massive 10-page
00:01:11.917 --> 00:01:16.237
lift out or something like that every Valentine's Day, but I don't think that happens anymore.
00:01:16.437 --> 00:01:24.037
Well, nowadays you put it on Facebook and Instagram and X and all those sorts of TikTok and stuff.
00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:28.520
And they probably don't have to see their partner because they're probably having
00:01:28.520 --> 00:01:33.360
Valentine's Day with about five or six different people, I suppose. But really?
00:01:33.820 --> 00:01:37.300
Well, it's so public, isn't it?
00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:44.240
It's not really something that a couple now cherish because you put it on Facebook
00:01:44.240 --> 00:01:50.480
and all the other media and it's not as, probably it doesn't hold as much joy.
00:01:51.300 --> 00:01:54.880
Meaning? Meaning. Yeah. That sort of thing. Well, that's a bit sad.
00:01:55.140 --> 00:01:58.960
Look, I think it's got a place in our calendar.
00:01:59.220 --> 00:02:04.840
And I think most girls, I think, deep down would love to be showered with roses
00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:09.380
or, you know, taking it for a lovely romantic dinner or treated in a special
00:02:09.380 --> 00:02:11.480
way. And I think that's really, really what it's about.
00:02:11.580 --> 00:02:16.920
And I think the traditional Valentine's Day was really up to the guy to make
00:02:16.920 --> 00:02:22.140
an effort to, you know, show his female partner a bit of chivalry.
00:02:22.140 --> 00:02:26.520
And, of course, it doesn't always go that way these days. But,
00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:30.620
yeah, I think if you can experience something like that, it can be quite special.
00:02:30.880 --> 00:02:36.040
Look, it's nothing new that may not be happening again next year for the same people.
00:02:36.160 --> 00:02:39.960
But I think that's where it all started.
00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:44.660
It then became, really, it didn't matter whether the male or the female took
00:02:44.660 --> 00:02:49.160
the reins and said, we're going out for lunch or we're going somewhere or going
00:02:49.160 --> 00:02:50.940
for a holiday or whatever the case may be.
00:02:51.640 --> 00:02:56.860
I don't know. Look, it's always been, it's one of these days in our calendar,
00:02:57.200 --> 00:03:02.520
a bit like Mother's Day or Father's Day, where some people would say to you, oh,
00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:06.100
you shouldn't have to, you know, you shouldn't have to especially go out of
00:03:06.100 --> 00:03:09.880
your way for your partner on that particular day, or you shouldn't have to show
00:03:09.880 --> 00:03:14.040
gratitude to your mother on one day of the year for everything that she does
00:03:14.040 --> 00:03:16.300
for you on Mother's Day or the same for Father's Day.
00:03:16.300 --> 00:03:21.120
But the reality is if we don't have days like this to think about what our,
00:03:21.644 --> 00:03:24.964
partner does for us or what our mother or our father does for us,
00:03:25.064 --> 00:03:29.084
well then do we ever really stop to think and appreciate what they do? I don't know.
00:03:29.324 --> 00:03:34.144
I think it's a bit over the top to be saying every day should be Valentine's Day.
00:03:34.304 --> 00:03:38.444
You should show your love for your partner in every day.
00:03:39.004 --> 00:03:42.544
Yes, we should, but Valentine's Day, I guess, is one of those days where you
00:03:42.544 --> 00:03:46.324
just go that little bit further than you normally would, take them out for dinner.
00:03:47.024 --> 00:03:50.284
Send them some flowers or whatever the case may be, just to say,
00:03:50.404 --> 00:03:54.944
hey, this is the day that, you know, we celebrate love, so I'm celebrating my love for you.
00:03:54.984 --> 00:03:58.204
Which is like a birthday, basically, isn't it? A birthday comes around once
00:03:58.204 --> 00:04:01.284
a year, and you celebrate it specially, and then you have the special birthdays
00:04:01.284 --> 00:04:04.544
of 16, 18-year-old, 21, and so on.
00:04:04.724 --> 00:04:09.284
Of course, the cynics would also say that this is all a big commercial exercise,
00:04:09.444 --> 00:04:13.544
that it's all done to try and feed the economy with business.
00:04:13.544 --> 00:04:19.544
Whether it's greeting card places, whether it's florists, whether it's restaurant
00:04:19.544 --> 00:04:23.124
industry, it's all there to try and generate more business for them.
00:04:23.244 --> 00:04:25.964
And maybe there's a part of it. There's maybe some truth in that.
00:04:26.204 --> 00:04:29.444
Same with Mother's Day and Father's Day. Yeah, but the thing is,
00:04:29.544 --> 00:04:32.044
it is done that way nowadays.
00:04:32.524 --> 00:04:38.324
Before, when we were a little bit slower in our lifestyle, we didn't have the
00:04:38.324 --> 00:04:40.504
social media, we didn't have all that sort of stuff.
00:04:40.504 --> 00:04:48.184
It was more, how will value, I feel, that you made the effort to make the time,
00:04:48.444 --> 00:04:51.664
book a restaurant, get the flowers, all that sort of stuff.
00:04:51.844 --> 00:04:55.224
Nowadays, it's, hi, love, it's Valentine's Day, happy Valentine's Day,
00:04:55.224 --> 00:04:56.704
and it's about the end of it.
00:04:57.064 --> 00:05:01.784
In most cases, there are still people who are doing the traditional thing,
00:05:01.964 --> 00:05:09.144
which is going to a restaurant, but specifically to something nicer than your everyday type place.
00:05:09.304 --> 00:05:14.624
Yeah. So when you think about it, the meaning to the two people concerned is
00:05:14.624 --> 00:05:15.744
the most important part.
00:05:16.564 --> 00:05:22.044
The feeling they get, the joy they get, the want to express their love for their
00:05:22.044 --> 00:05:23.404
partner and all that sort of thing.
00:05:23.524 --> 00:05:26.064
It is more special for that particular couple.
00:05:26.264 --> 00:05:31.184
Well, the one thing that I often wonder about is what do people do on Valentine's
00:05:31.184 --> 00:05:33.764
Day that don't have a partner? Or they wish they had a partner?
00:05:34.084 --> 00:05:36.344
Or maybe have lost their partner.
00:05:36.664 --> 00:05:41.824
What sort of a day is it for them? I guess not every day is going to apply to every person, is it?
00:05:41.944 --> 00:05:44.904
Even Mother's Day and Father's Day. Not everyone necessarily has their mother
00:05:44.904 --> 00:05:49.544
around or their father around. Well, that's what I was just going to say. To celebrate that day.
00:05:49.784 --> 00:05:53.064
And you've got, you know, like every generation. Everyone says the generation
00:05:53.064 --> 00:05:57.204
before was better than the current generation. They weren't anything like it and whatever, have you?
00:05:57.444 --> 00:06:04.524
But that's been coming up. I'm in my 80s, and I reckon I've heard it about 80 times every year.
00:06:04.524 --> 00:06:10.804
Well, I always look at, for example, movies and see the way life was back in
00:06:10.804 --> 00:06:12.944
the day. And I remember back in the.
00:06:13.426 --> 00:06:17.606
In the happy days type era, the 50s and 60s, the rock and roll era,
00:06:18.026 --> 00:06:22.786
how they used to get together for, for, for dancers and, and,
00:06:23.106 --> 00:06:25.826
and parties and, and, and that sort of thing.
00:06:25.946 --> 00:06:29.466
And, and the guy taking out the girl was just the done thing.
00:06:29.746 --> 00:06:33.326
And I reckon it would have been a lot more fun in those days when they used
00:06:33.326 --> 00:06:38.346
to have, you know, dances and, and, and regular, regular gatherings socially.
00:06:38.626 --> 00:06:42.486
What we did in those years, and I know you're talking about days before you
00:06:42.486 --> 00:06:43.786
were born. Yeah, exactly.
00:06:43.926 --> 00:06:48.486
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. But the thing is that if you wanted to have fun,
00:06:48.626 --> 00:06:49.666
you had to make it yourself.
00:06:49.866 --> 00:06:54.066
Yes. We had this situation where we had a group of people, and I can't remember
00:06:54.066 --> 00:06:57.986
the numbers, probably 15, 20 people, girls and guys.
00:06:58.826 --> 00:07:04.086
And all the guys or the girls would have a party on a Saturday night,
00:07:04.086 --> 00:07:06.246
usually at a different location. Yeah.
00:07:06.426 --> 00:07:11.786
So you might only have a party at your place twice in one year or three times
00:07:11.786 --> 00:07:14.486
in one year. Yeah. And that's how we made our fun.
00:07:14.666 --> 00:07:20.966
We did. We'd go out and buy illegal grub and the drugs like cigarettes.
00:07:22.526 --> 00:07:28.086
Like the ones that are now legal. Oh, yeah. But that's what I'm saying. It was different.
00:07:28.466 --> 00:07:31.486
You made your own fun. You had your own group.
00:07:31.706 --> 00:07:36.066
We never traveled hundreds of miles to get to a destination that we wanted to
00:07:36.066 --> 00:07:37.366
come back from the same night.
00:07:37.506 --> 00:07:41.766
Well, they didn't have mobile phones. They didn't have all of these gadgets
00:07:41.766 --> 00:07:45.906
like iPads and iPhones and all that sort of stuff. We didn't have typewriters.
00:07:46.166 --> 00:07:52.426
Yeah. So it was really reliant on people being interactive with each other and
00:07:52.426 --> 00:07:54.246
communicating with each other.
00:07:54.466 --> 00:07:59.246
And that's what's a fall down now as a population, if you like,
00:07:59.446 --> 00:08:03.366
that we don't have time to talk to one another.
00:08:03.366 --> 00:08:10.346
We don't know, most of the younger people don't really know how to approach somebody.
00:08:11.046 --> 00:08:15.266
It's all done by emojis and all that sort of stuff.
00:08:15.466 --> 00:08:20.646
And messages, yeah. Yeah, and messages. So just going back to what we were talking about earlier,
00:08:20.946 --> 00:08:25.006
about who didn't have one partner and who didn't have someone to talk to,
00:08:25.006 --> 00:08:31.526
So I don't think the younger population don't particularly put a lot of value
00:08:31.526 --> 00:08:34.086
on necessarily having someone special.
00:08:35.086 --> 00:08:39.246
To them, if I'm on my own, that's fine. If I find somebody, it's fine.
00:08:39.406 --> 00:08:41.746
And it's sort of get on with it type thing.
00:08:42.686 --> 00:08:48.066
In this day and age of everything being disposable, it sounds like even people are disposable.
00:08:48.426 --> 00:08:52.786
Well, yeah. To some extent. Yeah, I think you'll find that the older populations
00:08:52.786 --> 00:08:59.646
had a problem. They just had to live with the problems they had with, you know,
00:09:00.382 --> 00:09:05.302
When the kids grow up, I'll leave this guy. Or he's saying, when the kids grow
00:09:05.302 --> 00:09:07.302
up, I'm going to leave her or whatever.
00:09:07.782 --> 00:09:09.402
It was always around the kids.
00:09:09.922 --> 00:09:13.682
You didn't want to break up the family. And if you did, your parents started
00:09:13.682 --> 00:09:17.262
getting into you anyway, whether they knew what was going on or not.
00:09:17.502 --> 00:09:19.922
Get back to your wife or get back to your husband type thing.
00:09:20.762 --> 00:09:26.222
Now, I think with people having their own freedom, and it's not sort of the
00:09:26.222 --> 00:09:29.802
guy that's got to have the freedom or do all this sort of stuff.
00:09:29.802 --> 00:09:36.222
The woman is just as free to do whatever she likes and not be bound by a guy
00:09:36.222 --> 00:09:39.582
who's sort of putting pressure on, say, stay here or I'm going to whatever.
00:09:40.022 --> 00:09:46.542
So, yeah, it's probably a day, too, that we celebrate, we should celebrate to
00:09:46.542 --> 00:09:49.622
keep this concept. Sorry, that's it. I'll change that.
00:09:49.862 --> 00:09:53.442
Yes, that concept has got to be there.
00:09:53.562 --> 00:09:58.522
And just to keep it alive and to sort of remind people what today is.
00:09:58.522 --> 00:10:03.702
Do you think that there's enough helping and guiding and advising younger people
00:10:03.702 --> 00:10:09.102
in the right way when it comes to love and finding love and even identifying
00:10:09.102 --> 00:10:12.102
what love is and what it should feel like?
00:10:12.382 --> 00:10:18.582
Because I think a lot of people confuse certain feelings with love,
00:10:18.842 --> 00:10:21.002
genuine love. Let me just ask you a question then.
00:10:21.182 --> 00:10:24.022
And they don't realize it until often it's too late that, hey,
00:10:24.122 --> 00:10:26.762
maybe I wasn't in love, maybe it was something else that I was feeling.
00:10:26.762 --> 00:10:29.242
And all of a sudden it breaks up the relationship.
00:10:29.482 --> 00:10:31.442
Let me just ask you a question there.
00:10:32.042 --> 00:10:37.202
First and foremostly, if you try to tell a teenager something like that,
00:10:37.422 --> 00:10:38.762
they know them more than you do.
00:10:40.462 --> 00:10:46.262
But that's not just this generation. Just imagine if your father or your mother
00:10:46.262 --> 00:10:49.142
came to you and said, Vince, this is what you've got to do.
00:10:49.302 --> 00:10:53.802
That's the deal you've got to go with or that's the deal that you've got to court or whatever.
00:10:53.902 --> 00:10:58.182
Well, I'm not saying that they should be dictating who you see or what you should do.
00:10:58.322 --> 00:11:01.442
I'm talking about just simply educating you on...
00:11:02.119 --> 00:11:08.839
The differences in various experiences that you're going to go through and the difference between,
00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:17.319
for example, pleasure and love, the difference between having an egotistical
00:11:17.319 --> 00:11:19.699
type feeling versus love.
00:11:19.839 --> 00:11:23.039
Because some people can feed someone's ego enough to think, oh,
00:11:23.079 --> 00:11:27.079
I really love this person, the way they make me feel, because they're feeding my ego.
00:11:27.139 --> 00:11:29.259
But that doesn't necessarily mean it's love.
00:11:29.479 --> 00:11:34.499
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. or I'm experiencing certain physical things with
00:11:34.499 --> 00:11:39.419
somebody, so all of a sudden I feel like I'm on cloud nine, so that must be
00:11:39.419 --> 00:11:41.499
love. It's not necessarily the case, is it?
00:11:41.939 --> 00:11:46.339
How would you define love? What is love to you? Just before I go there,
00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:48.139
because I don't remember what it's like.
00:11:49.379 --> 00:11:55.099
It just comes naturally now. Oh, really? But just what you were saying earlier
00:11:55.099 --> 00:12:00.919
ago, you would like to educate them, in brackets, of things that are going to
00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:02.359
happen, feelings you should have.
00:12:02.719 --> 00:12:06.679
If your family tried to tell you how you're going to feel and who you're going
00:12:06.679 --> 00:12:09.839
to feel that with and how you're going to come back, do you think you ought
00:12:09.839 --> 00:12:10.879
to take much notice of it?
00:12:11.079 --> 00:12:13.719
Yeah, I do. At best case scenario, you'd probably say, yeah,
00:12:13.819 --> 00:12:15.959
that's fine, mum and dad, but I'm going to do it my way.
00:12:16.079 --> 00:12:20.119
Sure, but if it's something that's said to you, whether you want to take notice
00:12:20.119 --> 00:12:26.759
of it or even abide by those words of advice or not, they're always in the back of your mind.
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:32.159
And I've had conversations with my parents about this and I've still made mistakes,
00:12:32.179 --> 00:12:34.599
but you do think back to it.
00:12:34.699 --> 00:12:39.259
You do think, well, hang on, I was told that and I was warned about this and I was.
00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:44.259
So, you know, just because you've received advice or just because you've been
00:12:44.259 --> 00:12:48.719
given some guidance doesn't mean that you're smart enough at the time to follow
00:12:48.719 --> 00:12:50.899
that advice or to take that guidance.
00:12:50.899 --> 00:12:57.459
But what I'm trying to say is it would be better, I think, to try to,
00:12:57.459 --> 00:13:05.299
I guess, describe to younger people the differences between what they might be going through it.
00:13:05.946 --> 00:13:10.746
Their age, especially in the teenage era, versus what you will feel as an adult
00:13:10.746 --> 00:13:13.226
as you get older and as you grow older with somebody.
00:13:13.646 --> 00:13:21.446
And the differences between lust and love, the differences between just feeling
00:13:21.446 --> 00:13:26.166
good with someone because you're going through something that you feel successful
00:13:26.166 --> 00:13:28.486
with and they just happen to be there with you.
00:13:28.606 --> 00:13:33.626
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think a lot of people make big mistakes,
00:13:34.246 --> 00:13:38.126
costly mistakes, both for them and their partner, and often children are involved,
00:13:38.306 --> 00:13:43.226
when they make commitments with someone that they're not necessarily in love with.
00:13:43.566 --> 00:13:49.206
And on the other hand, they also are doing a disservice to the person that they're
00:13:49.206 --> 00:13:51.006
committing to if they don't really love them.
00:13:51.326 --> 00:13:55.986
Yeah, but look, every generation is different. I know it's a complicated topic.
00:13:55.986 --> 00:14:02.786
Every generation has different qualities, different problems,
00:14:02.906 --> 00:14:07.906
and especially now with electronics and the speed of the world.
00:14:08.266 --> 00:14:13.126
So when you sort of say, yeah, this is what you should do, you're going back
00:14:13.126 --> 00:14:18.866
to what you know as a person in your age, talking to a current generation.
00:14:19.626 --> 00:14:21.246
Yes, that's true too. A teenager.
00:14:22.526 --> 00:14:28.666
So what's relevant back in the 1980s is not necessarily relevant in the 2020s. Absolutely.
00:14:28.986 --> 00:14:31.186
Stuff like that. That's what you're trying to say. I understand that.
00:14:31.186 --> 00:14:35.466
Not only that. But surely certain things don't change. Well, it does be in this way.
00:14:35.906 --> 00:14:41.666
This current generation are probably the generation who have waited or wait
00:14:41.666 --> 00:14:45.626
the longest to get married. To make a commitment.
00:14:46.546 --> 00:14:53.206
They have commitments with a person, and it lasts two years, four years, five years.
00:14:53.346 --> 00:14:58.306
But it's not strong enough to say, yeah, we're going to take the jump and go and get married.
00:14:58.546 --> 00:15:05.786
So the older they get, of course, the younger their kids are going to be born later.
00:15:06.826 --> 00:15:12.486
So it always seems to, unless you've got someone who wants to push it back and say, no, no.
00:15:12.806 --> 00:15:18.046
Like in our day, we didn't have anything to do. So if you had a partner that
00:15:18.046 --> 00:15:22.966
you got on with and he loved and whatever, you got married at 21, 22, 23.
00:15:23.566 --> 00:15:25.086
Nowadays, not many people get
00:15:25.086 --> 00:15:28.426
married in the 20s. They won't until they're well into their 30s. Yeah.
00:15:28.846 --> 00:15:32.806
And sometimes not having children until it's too late. Well, that's the other thing.
00:15:33.146 --> 00:15:37.106
So this is where you're sort of, it's hard to sort of get out there and say
00:15:37.106 --> 00:15:40.506
to the kids, listen, this is what you've got to do. You get married at 21.
00:15:40.806 --> 00:15:43.786
If you find a partner that you think you're going to love for the rest of your
00:15:43.786 --> 00:15:50.226
life, And if they do it at that time now, you find that most of them don't make it go forever.
00:15:50.746 --> 00:15:57.126
As did, again, in my generation anyway, you never, it was unheard of.
00:15:57.326 --> 00:16:02.066
It was a sin to break up with your wife and break up the family and leave the
00:16:02.066 --> 00:16:03.326
kids and all that sort of thing.
00:16:03.526 --> 00:16:07.126
So do you think in those days there would have been a lot more breakups if it
00:16:07.126 --> 00:16:11.526
wasn't for that sort of guilt tripping of people? How dare you leave your wife?
00:16:12.066 --> 00:16:16.686
That's unheard of. Not guilt-tripping, necessarily. It was just like a, it was just never done.
00:16:17.086 --> 00:16:20.746
You know, a man doesn't do that. A woman doesn't do that. Was there a lot more
00:16:20.746 --> 00:16:27.106
pressure in terms of the Christian society that we lived in where it was frowned upon to be divorced?
00:16:27.646 --> 00:16:32.266
Well, that obviously had a part of it. And religion's got a part in all of our
00:16:32.266 --> 00:16:34.806
lives. I don't think it plays as much of a part nowadays.
00:16:35.146 --> 00:16:39.746
In a different way. I think in a different way. And not in the way we believed it.
00:16:40.006 --> 00:16:44.166
Everything was never asked or never challenged. You know, who was at the pad
00:16:44.166 --> 00:16:46.526
of the Red Sea? Moses. Moses.
00:16:48.391 --> 00:16:51.951
You're not going to get buzzed and believe that he actually parted the rich
00:16:51.951 --> 00:16:56.371
soon. Whereas in the other day, we probably thought, hey, that's not a bad trick.
00:16:59.631 --> 00:17:01.011
But do you understand what I'm
00:17:01.011 --> 00:17:07.031
going to do? Yes, yes. It's the current generation challenge most things.
00:17:07.271 --> 00:17:10.831
They'll ask the question. If you say, I should do this, that,
00:17:10.851 --> 00:17:12.191
and the other, they say, well, hang on a minute.
00:17:12.531 --> 00:17:16.711
Why should I do this, that, and the other? And how do you know that that's going
00:17:16.711 --> 00:17:19.391
to work? And they question everything.
00:17:19.851 --> 00:17:25.031
They're not as sort of, shall I say, dumb as we were. Gullible?
00:17:25.251 --> 00:17:27.011
Well, gullible is a better word.
00:17:27.331 --> 00:17:31.271
And we believe 90% of what was told to us.
00:17:31.411 --> 00:17:35.791
Yes. But then as you get older, of course, you find your feet and you join the
00:17:35.791 --> 00:17:38.391
rest of the people. And it's different.
00:17:38.591 --> 00:17:44.391
It's just a different, yeah. I mean, even we go back to the old days where the
00:17:44.391 --> 00:17:48.771
priest would come and talk to the newly, well, not even newlyweds yet,
00:17:48.971 --> 00:17:51.671
the aspiring couple who wanted to get married.
00:17:51.791 --> 00:17:55.871
And the priest was talking to them. The priest had never been married in his life. Sure.
00:17:56.231 --> 00:18:00.231
Never had a partner. Well, supposedly not.
00:18:00.791 --> 00:18:04.691
And trying to all of a sudden preach to these two young people about how they
00:18:04.691 --> 00:18:07.651
ought to behave as a married couple. Yeah.
00:18:08.011 --> 00:18:11.171
And how to teach the kids and what to do with the kids, bring them to church
00:18:11.171 --> 00:18:12.891
every five minutes and all that sort of thing.
00:18:13.271 --> 00:18:17.131
It did. It's different. And yet we used to take that seriously,
00:18:17.511 --> 00:18:19.511
you know? Oh, listen to what the priest says to you. We did.
00:18:19.811 --> 00:18:28.211
I tell you, in my day, I'm older than Australia, but it's just you didn't doubt
00:18:28.211 --> 00:18:29.771
anything. You didn't challenge anything.
00:18:30.131 --> 00:18:33.931
If a person of position, a policeman.
00:18:34.531 --> 00:18:42.831
Someone in authority. Yeah, a church priest, a politician, anyone of that sort
00:18:42.831 --> 00:18:43.831
of. The school principal.
00:18:45.571 --> 00:18:49.071
You didn't argue with it. They said, this is what it is, and this is what's
00:18:49.071 --> 00:18:50.711
going to happen. You say, yes, sir.
00:18:52.211 --> 00:18:55.831
If they say jump, you say, yeah, hi. That's the way we do it.
00:18:56.171 --> 00:19:00.931
I think a lot of those so-called norms have been questioned over the decades, and
00:19:01.310 --> 00:19:05.910
Now, we are in an era where everything is questioned, but I think some of the
00:19:05.910 --> 00:19:13.890
traditions that have waned in recent times are worthy of at least acknowledgement
00:19:13.890 --> 00:19:16.610
in that they had their part to play.
00:19:17.050 --> 00:19:22.850
And Valentine's Day, to me, brings memories of doing the right thing as a guy.
00:19:22.970 --> 00:19:27.970
I mean, I obviously speak as a male, and you'd approach the female and ask her
00:19:27.970 --> 00:19:31.590
if you'd like to go out for a date. That's if you weren't together.
00:19:31.950 --> 00:19:35.250
If you were already in a partnership with a girlfriend, well,
00:19:35.350 --> 00:19:37.130
then, yeah, you show her your appreciation.
00:19:37.470 --> 00:19:41.610
You make the effort, buy some flowers, send a card, whatever it might be,
00:19:41.710 --> 00:19:46.610
and then go out for dinner that night and might have a dance as well as having a nice meal somewhere.
00:19:46.850 --> 00:19:51.850
And it was a special memory to me. I mean, Valentine's Day should create memories.
00:19:52.090 --> 00:19:57.030
That's what it's about for me. And I just think it's something that should be
00:19:57.030 --> 00:20:02.690
celebrated as a bit of fun and a bit of an opportunity to show some gratitude
00:20:02.690 --> 00:20:04.990
and some love to the person that you're meant to care about.
00:20:05.430 --> 00:20:08.570
It's as simple as that. I don't think we need to complicate it too much.
00:20:08.690 --> 00:20:11.210
If you're not in a relationship, well, you're not in a relationship.
00:20:11.210 --> 00:20:15.370
You're probably going to be saying, oh, well, another Valentine's Day without somebody in my life.
00:20:15.470 --> 00:20:18.890
But the minute you are in a relationship and you do experience that,
00:20:19.110 --> 00:20:21.210
I think most people would cherish that.
00:20:21.450 --> 00:20:25.570
To me, it's all about cherishing the memories of love that you either did have
00:20:25.570 --> 00:20:29.030
with someone once or you still have with someone today. Well,
00:20:29.210 --> 00:20:30.550
true enough. No, no, best memories.
00:20:30.710 --> 00:20:34.870
It was people I'm not with now, but they were still great memories at the time
00:20:34.870 --> 00:20:38.210
and we still had a nice night. I can't even remember who it was around.
00:20:41.950 --> 00:20:43.890
It's all right, Paul. I'll take you out for dinner later.
00:20:46.690 --> 00:20:47.930
That'd be good. You might have to.
00:20:50.090 --> 00:20:54.490
Anyway, it is. Well, what we want to do actually, I think we went into a little
00:20:54.490 --> 00:20:59.290
bit more detail of raising kids and what the difference is. Well,
00:20:59.290 --> 00:21:02.650
we're talking about love and relationships and what makes them tick.
00:21:02.890 --> 00:21:09.630
Yeah, all the people who enter the day of Valentine's Day, we wish them all
00:21:09.630 --> 00:21:12.670
the best and have a happy Valentine's Day.
00:21:12.850 --> 00:21:17.650
Yes, and our thoughts go out to anyone who's not celebrating Valentine's Day for whatever reason.
00:21:18.090 --> 00:21:23.510
And unhappy. Not everyone's a mother, so they don't get to celebrate Mother's Day.
00:21:23.630 --> 00:21:26.730
Not everyone's a father, so they won't necessarily celebrate Father's Day.
00:21:26.850 --> 00:21:30.690
So I guess not everyone's in a relationship, and they won't necessarily experience
00:21:30.690 --> 00:21:31.990
anything on Valentine's Day.
00:21:32.090 --> 00:21:37.290
But for those who do, make the most of it, cherish it, and make some special memories of it.
00:21:37.330 --> 00:21:44.950
Today, too, again, generational, they now would rather just wait and find someone once.
00:21:45.710 --> 00:21:51.030
It's just a thing. We had to be with someone. At 20, if you didn't have any
00:21:51.030 --> 00:21:53.250
weight, you weren't talking to anyone, you didn't have a girlfriend.
00:21:53.490 --> 00:21:57.150
If you weren't married by 22, 23, people would be asking, why are you being
00:21:57.150 --> 00:21:59.030
left on the shelf? And especially women.
00:21:59.570 --> 00:22:03.730
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, geez, why are you? She's been left on the shelf.
00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:07.730
Today, it doesn't matter if they're 20, 30, 40, if they're not with someone,
00:22:08.030 --> 00:22:12.750
it's not necessarily because it's not just they can't get anyone.
00:22:12.750 --> 00:22:15.950
It's just that you haven't found the person that you want.
00:22:16.150 --> 00:22:19.710
That's right. Now, just on that, before we finish up, it's on TV at the moment.
00:22:20.270 --> 00:22:25.030
I've got to ask you something. What about these shows like Married at First Sight?
00:22:25.110 --> 00:22:29.190
What do you think of them where they try and match up certain men and women,
00:22:29.670 --> 00:22:33.290
and, you know, of different backgrounds, and all of a sudden they meet each
00:22:33.290 --> 00:22:36.130
other at the altar, and they've actually got to get married,
00:22:36.150 --> 00:22:39.630
and then start finding out about each other and live with each other?
00:22:39.670 --> 00:22:42.390
What do you think of these concepts? Do you think that this is a,
00:22:42.710 --> 00:22:48.710
all in the name of entertainment and getting ratings out of shows like this
00:22:48.710 --> 00:22:52.930
for television networks, do you think it's doing any damage to young people
00:22:52.930 --> 00:22:54.170
and how they think about love?
00:22:54.290 --> 00:22:58.170
Or do you think that they look at this stuff in the same cynical way as you
00:22:58.170 --> 00:23:01.030
and I might? Absolutely. Because I look at it in a very cynical fashion.
00:23:01.210 --> 00:23:04.270
And I do. And I think of one thing, I can't, I won't say it. Mm-hmm.
00:23:05.365 --> 00:23:08.665
They're not really shows that you would sort of think, oh, yeah,
00:23:08.905 --> 00:23:11.245
it's an instructional thing.
00:23:11.725 --> 00:23:14.265
It's something that people do. But that's what a lot of young people do.
00:23:14.285 --> 00:23:16.765
They look at this and say, oh, this is what I've got to do. Exactly.
00:23:16.985 --> 00:23:20.805
And this is completely the wrong idea that they're getting.
00:23:21.605 --> 00:23:25.605
Again, for me, just looking at this, and I haven't watched a lot of it.
00:23:26.705 --> 00:23:31.965
Last night before I had a look at one of them, maybe the one going to the altar or something.
00:23:32.545 --> 00:23:37.045
The girls are stunners. The guys are sort of Ken dolls, you know.
00:23:37.165 --> 00:23:38.945
I mean, they're good-looking people.
00:23:39.085 --> 00:23:42.745
If they're having trouble getting a partner, then they have to go on to a show
00:23:42.745 --> 00:23:44.545
like that just to get a partner.
00:23:44.925 --> 00:23:48.165
I can't believe it. It's not the reason they're there for. I think they have
00:23:48.165 --> 00:23:49.785
different reasons for being there.
00:23:49.925 --> 00:23:55.965
I have no doubt that some people who go on to these shows are genuinely hoping to find somebody. No.
00:23:56.125 --> 00:23:59.705
But I think a lot of them are there for their own, either their own self.
00:24:00.065 --> 00:24:02.305
No, no, no. It's not gratification. Promotion.
00:24:02.865 --> 00:24:07.025
A lot of them are using it to promote themselves and then go on to do other
00:24:07.025 --> 00:24:12.825
things with the background of Married at First Sight as a contestant.
00:24:12.985 --> 00:24:15.205
I don't know. I think they're delusional myself.
00:24:15.365 --> 00:24:18.365
It's not like that. A lot of people love being in the spotlight like that.
00:24:18.765 --> 00:24:23.225
I was on a TV show and the whole of Australia was watching me and all that sort of thing.
00:24:23.345 --> 00:24:26.885
If they want to be on TV, why not just go into a game show? Funny enough,
00:24:27.045 --> 00:24:29.605
we used to have game shows that used to match people up too.
00:24:29.985 --> 00:24:34.945
Like perfect match, remember? back in the 80s, and they were good friends.
00:24:35.085 --> 00:24:37.585
They didn't take them off for a sit-out. No, no.
00:24:37.785 --> 00:24:40.785
They didn't get married to them. They'd just match them up, send them on a holiday
00:24:40.785 --> 00:24:42.345
somewhere and see if they'd get along. Yeah.
00:24:42.545 --> 00:24:45.645
And they'd come back and they'd report on whether they got along or didn't get along.
00:24:45.925 --> 00:24:50.665
I thought that that was much more realistic than some of this married-at-first
00:24:50.665 --> 00:24:53.745
site business where they're already walking down the aisle and marrying and
00:24:53.745 --> 00:24:56.525
putting a ring on each other's finger and they've only just met each other.
00:24:56.725 --> 00:24:59.905
It's not real. It's ridiculous. I mean, the first person who marries them is
00:24:59.905 --> 00:25:01.625
not a person. It is ridiculous.
00:25:02.685 --> 00:25:08.665
I remember seeing it from the 70s. It was a show in America where they had three
00:25:08.665 --> 00:25:13.305
men behind the screen and the lady had to ask each one of the three men a question
00:25:13.305 --> 00:25:15.725
and all that. It was very similar to Perfect Match.
00:25:16.065 --> 00:25:19.645
And then in the end, based on the answers to the questions, she had to choose
00:25:19.645 --> 00:25:23.245
contestant one or two or three. Same sort of concept, really.
00:25:23.845 --> 00:25:27.985
That's a little different in the sense that they're matching up people.
00:25:28.685 --> 00:25:33.465
It's like going to a bar and talking to someone. You know, you might talk to
00:25:33.465 --> 00:25:36.545
that person for 10 minutes or half an hour or an hour, but just,
00:25:36.745 --> 00:25:37.985
you've then got to make up your mind.
00:25:38.145 --> 00:25:41.785
Now, do I want to ask her out? Does she want to ask me out?
00:25:42.145 --> 00:25:46.005
Is she going to, she's thinking the same thing. Is he the guy I really want
00:25:46.005 --> 00:25:48.765
to be with? What do I do here? And then they've got to make a decision.
00:25:48.985 --> 00:25:52.945
Well, yeah, they were okay. They were nice. Yeah, well, maybe go out for a cup
00:25:52.945 --> 00:25:55.385
of coffee and then go have some lunch or something.
00:25:55.725 --> 00:25:59.345
Look, there's one thing that's true, and that is if you've got two willing people.
00:25:59.988 --> 00:26:04.708
Eventually, you find somebody. And if you have enough willing men who are trying
00:26:04.708 --> 00:26:11.208
to search for someone nice and enough willing women who are prepared to entertain such a person,
00:26:11.408 --> 00:26:15.748
normally two souls end up finding their soulmate.
00:26:15.908 --> 00:26:20.928
Yeah, but here's the thing. I think, which is my own personal opinion,
00:26:21.248 --> 00:26:25.828
with these people, they have to acknowledge that no one is perfect.
00:26:26.308 --> 00:26:30.988
That's true. That's very true. A lot of people, and I'm not talking about the
00:26:30.988 --> 00:26:36.128
current generation, this is all walks of life, a lot of people sit there and
00:26:36.128 --> 00:26:39.048
look for the perfect person in their eyes.
00:26:39.228 --> 00:26:42.988
And if they don't find the perfect person, they- Discard them.
00:26:43.148 --> 00:26:46.928
They discard them. What's wrong with that is that the person that's looking
00:26:46.928 --> 00:26:50.668
for a person who is perfect can't be that perfect themselves.
00:26:51.028 --> 00:26:54.928
No. So what they're looking for is something that they haven't got,
00:26:55.088 --> 00:26:57.988
which to me, you've got to compromise. Yes.
00:26:58.228 --> 00:27:00.988
You meet someone. Everyone has their faults. Yeah. Except for you.
00:27:01.568 --> 00:27:03.208
Well, of course, that goes by the same.
00:27:04.288 --> 00:27:08.948
But, you know, they have to sort of say, well, okay, look, he's not the best-looking
00:27:08.948 --> 00:27:12.308
guy in the world, but he's generous, he's kind, he's, you know,
00:27:12.508 --> 00:27:15.848
looking after me, he doesn't sort of upset me.
00:27:16.228 --> 00:27:21.528
That's the sort of thing because love doesn't last forever, but in a different concept.
00:27:21.728 --> 00:27:25.308
When you meet a person, it's all, you can't wait to see them the next week,
00:27:25.408 --> 00:27:26.668
the next day, the next hour.
00:27:27.291 --> 00:27:30.771
And after a time, you settle down and become a partnership.
00:27:31.131 --> 00:27:34.291
Yes. And if you get married young, this is, again, my own opinion,
00:27:34.511 --> 00:27:38.091
you tend to be like two trees that grow together, okay?
00:27:38.331 --> 00:27:42.451
Because you're free of any illusion.
00:27:42.871 --> 00:27:47.151
Yes. If you marry at a later date, you've both got idiosyncrasies.
00:27:47.471 --> 00:27:50.471
You're like too cold. You're more stubborn.
00:27:50.731 --> 00:27:56.411
More stubborn. And you're more insistent on what you want and what fits your
00:27:56.411 --> 00:28:00.711
particular⦠Which means those two trees don't go straight up.
00:28:00.831 --> 00:28:03.251
No. They tend to pull it apart. Yeah.
00:28:03.491 --> 00:28:07.771
And if it gets too bad, it falls⦠So does that mean marriage should happen between
00:28:07.771 --> 00:28:10.031
people who are 12 and 13 years of age?
00:28:11.011 --> 00:28:14.031
I don't think we have to get that. No, no, I don't think so.
00:28:14.031 --> 00:28:14.991
No, but yeah, seriously.
00:28:15.211 --> 00:28:19.671
I mean, if you get into the late teens when you sort of meet somebody⦠Well,
00:28:19.731 --> 00:28:23.831
it used to happen all the time. I mean, if you go back probably even 50,
00:28:23.991 --> 00:28:27.971
60 years ago, back into the 60s and 70s, the vast majority of people were married
00:28:27.971 --> 00:28:29.871
in their early 20s. Oh, absolutely.
00:28:30.251 --> 00:28:35.071
21, 22. I was married. Even some girls like 19. They'd be married at 19.
00:28:35.251 --> 00:28:39.091
I was married at 25 and I was going five years with my late wife.
00:28:39.311 --> 00:28:41.771
Really? And she was at the time 23.
00:28:42.331 --> 00:28:47.791
So you were 26, 27, weren't you? I was 25. Yeah, so we met in 63. three.
00:28:48.031 --> 00:28:51.131
So yeah, I knew her for five years.
00:28:51.391 --> 00:28:55.551
We knew each other. We went together as a girlfriend boy for five years.
00:28:55.711 --> 00:28:58.971
I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have even got married at the time.
00:28:59.091 --> 00:29:02.971
It's just that one day I went to her place and the mother and father trapped
00:29:02.971 --> 00:29:05.271
me in the kitchen. One stood at one door and the other.
00:29:05.611 --> 00:29:09.511
And the mother-in-law, who was, God rest their souls, she was a funny person.
00:29:09.631 --> 00:29:11.831
She said, when are you two going to get married?
00:29:12.531 --> 00:29:16.691
Not if you are, when are you? And I was looking at both doors and I couldn't
00:29:16.691 --> 00:29:19.231
get through in and I said, we'll set a date now.
00:29:20.871 --> 00:29:26.311
But you see, even that, you had parents that had expectations on their kids
00:29:26.311 --> 00:29:28.011
and the partners of their kids.
00:29:28.615 --> 00:29:31.955
You know, make a decision. You're not going to hang around with my daughter forever. That's right.
00:29:32.835 --> 00:29:35.715
What's your intentions? Yeah, what are your intentions? You've had enough time
00:29:35.715 --> 00:29:37.935
to get to know her now. Do you want to marry her or don't you?
00:29:38.495 --> 00:29:40.915
These days, parents don't. In fact, if anything, it's the opposite.
00:29:41.115 --> 00:29:44.495
I don't want to marry her. Get rid of that. He's no good for you.
00:29:45.355 --> 00:29:48.635
Oh, no, that went in anything. Even in those days, we had that.
00:29:49.135 --> 00:29:51.375
But it's slightly different. They sort of had more say. Well,
00:29:51.415 --> 00:29:55.115
a lot of guys are very reluctant to make commitment in that respect. That's true.
00:29:55.355 --> 00:30:01.255
Yes. and probably for more reasons than what we had when we were at the younger
00:30:01.255 --> 00:30:04.095
age, in the early to mid-20s.
00:30:04.675 --> 00:30:09.275
Nowadays, you've got to be more careful with the laws. If you do break up,
00:30:09.535 --> 00:30:10.895
how are you going to split stuff up?
00:30:10.975 --> 00:30:15.795
If the kids are there, who has the kids, who takes them, who feeds them,
00:30:15.875 --> 00:30:17.575
who pays the debts for them.
00:30:18.575 --> 00:30:21.955
We've got to board a house. We've got to split everything.
00:30:22.075 --> 00:30:24.635
I've got my super, you've got to get hard. All this sort of thing,
00:30:24.835 --> 00:30:27.595
I think guys and women, probably women just as much as the guys,
00:30:27.735 --> 00:30:30.795
look at the thing and say, hang on, is all this worth it?
00:30:30.815 --> 00:30:33.555
I can go and live with this guy, but the problem now is with the law,
00:30:33.935 --> 00:30:38.615
if you live with someone for a couple of years, they've got the same rights as if you're married.
00:30:39.055 --> 00:30:42.115
The only difference is you don't have a piece of paper. And on that note,
00:30:42.275 --> 00:30:48.075
for all of those people out there that are going to propose on Valentine's Day, good luck.
00:30:50.375 --> 00:30:54.015
Anyway. It is a funny life and a funny woman.
00:30:54.315 --> 00:31:01.255
Yes. But love is grand. And if you do get to experience it, it is certainly worth pursuing.
00:31:01.395 --> 00:31:05.315
Well, I think love is, again, if you're lucky enough to find the right person
00:31:05.315 --> 00:31:08.075
the first time, you're definitely...
00:31:08.810 --> 00:31:11.930
Lucky. Lucky. Very, very lucky. And again, the same with friends.
00:31:12.490 --> 00:31:14.810
People say, oh, I've got hundreds of friends. They haven't got hundreds.
00:31:14.890 --> 00:31:18.610
They've got hundreds of acquaintances. Not even that sometimes.
00:31:18.990 --> 00:31:24.210
They might just be lucky to have one or two friends who would do anything for it.
00:31:24.390 --> 00:31:30.470
Yes. So, yeah, let's look at reality and forget about the fairies.
00:31:30.690 --> 00:31:34.490
Yes, exactly right. There's nothing wrong with having acquaintances and other
00:31:34.490 --> 00:31:36.910
people you can talk to or go out for a drink with or whatever.
00:31:36.910 --> 00:31:41.130
But you've got to remember that if you get in trouble, they're not going to come to your rescue.
00:31:41.430 --> 00:31:45.430
True. And if there's one thing that I guess goes hand in hand with Valentine's
00:31:45.430 --> 00:31:48.470
Day, it's love songs and music.
00:31:48.750 --> 00:31:53.030
So whatever you do this Valentine's Day, pick out your favorite love song and
00:31:53.030 --> 00:31:55.190
play it to your partner if you have one.
00:31:55.530 --> 00:31:59.390
Yes. So thank you for being with us. Yes. I love you, Paul.
00:32:02.470 --> 00:32:04.770
Oh, I hope you're not the only friend I've got.
00:32:07.730 --> 00:32:11.150
And we all love you and we hope you're loving our podcast. We'll see you next
00:32:11.150 --> 00:32:15.310
time. Yeah, and have a great day on Valentine's Day.
00:32:15.810 --> 00:32:22.130
And to you, our loyal listeners, we will talk to you again soon. Have a great day.
00:32:23.030 --> 00:32:27.810
Thank you for listening to Why Is It So? Make sure you tune in to our next episode.
00:32:28.110 --> 00:32:31.190
Remember, it's your last defence for common sense.
00:00:02.257 --> 00:00:06.557
Welcome to Why Is It So? Your last defence for common sense,
00:00:06.777 --> 00:00:10.297
with your co-hosts Paul Zammett and Vince Locizzano.
00:00:11.280 --> 00:00:16.880
Music.
00:00:16.997 --> 00:00:21.157
Well, Vince, good morning. Good morning, Paul. And it's a beautiful day.
00:00:21.337 --> 00:00:26.137
Yes. And just in a week or so's time, we've got Valentine's Day coming up.
00:00:26.377 --> 00:00:31.697
Yes, it is. It's that wonderful time of year when we celebrate love. Yes.
00:00:32.077 --> 00:00:37.397
And the newlyweds and the ones that have just got together this year. Yes.
00:00:37.837 --> 00:00:41.517
Maybe perhaps hadn't had a Valentine's Day before in that sense.
00:00:41.817 --> 00:00:45.757
Yes, that's right. It's always a very special time when you have your very first
00:00:45.757 --> 00:00:49.397
Valentine's Day experience. Oh, like everything for the first day. Don't you think?
00:00:49.717 --> 00:00:51.917
I think it is. I can't remember mine, can you?
00:00:52.317 --> 00:00:57.017
No, I can't remember that far, mate. I really can't. But I do remember one thing
00:00:57.017 --> 00:01:02.137
that we used to do back in the day that I don't know that it really happens that much anymore.
00:01:02.557 --> 00:01:06.337
What's that? Little advertisements that people put in the Herald Sun. Yes.
00:01:06.977 --> 00:01:11.917
Expressing their love for their partner. There used to be a massive 10-page
00:01:11.917 --> 00:01:16.237
lift out or something like that every Valentine's Day, but I don't think that happens anymore.
00:01:16.437 --> 00:01:24.037
Well, nowadays you put it on Facebook and Instagram and X and all those sorts of TikTok and stuff.
00:01:24.480 --> 00:01:28.520
And they probably don't have to see their partner because they're probably having
00:01:28.520 --> 00:01:33.360
Valentine's Day with about five or six different people, I suppose. But really?
00:01:33.820 --> 00:01:37.300
Well, it's so public, isn't it?
00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:44.240
It's not really something that a couple now cherish because you put it on Facebook
00:01:44.240 --> 00:01:50.480
and all the other media and it's not as, probably it doesn't hold as much joy.
00:01:51.300 --> 00:01:54.880
Meaning? Meaning. Yeah. That sort of thing. Well, that's a bit sad.
00:01:55.140 --> 00:01:58.960
Look, I think it's got a place in our calendar.
00:01:59.220 --> 00:02:04.840
And I think most girls, I think, deep down would love to be showered with roses
00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:09.380
or, you know, taking it for a lovely romantic dinner or treated in a special
00:02:09.380 --> 00:02:11.480
way. And I think that's really, really what it's about.
00:02:11.580 --> 00:02:16.920
And I think the traditional Valentine's Day was really up to the guy to make
00:02:16.920 --> 00:02:22.140
an effort to, you know, show his female partner a bit of chivalry.
00:02:22.140 --> 00:02:26.520
And, of course, it doesn't always go that way these days. But,
00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:30.620
yeah, I think if you can experience something like that, it can be quite special.
00:02:30.880 --> 00:02:36.040
Look, it's nothing new that may not be happening again next year for the same people.
00:02:36.160 --> 00:02:39.960
But I think that's where it all started.
00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:44.660
It then became, really, it didn't matter whether the male or the female took
00:02:44.660 --> 00:02:49.160
the reins and said, we're going out for lunch or we're going somewhere or going
00:02:49.160 --> 00:02:50.940
for a holiday or whatever the case may be.
00:02:51.640 --> 00:02:56.860
I don't know. Look, it's always been, it's one of these days in our calendar,
00:02:57.200 --> 00:03:02.520
a bit like Mother's Day or Father's Day, where some people would say to you, oh,
00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:06.100
you shouldn't have to, you know, you shouldn't have to especially go out of
00:03:06.100 --> 00:03:09.880
your way for your partner on that particular day, or you shouldn't have to show
00:03:09.880 --> 00:03:14.040
gratitude to your mother on one day of the year for everything that she does
00:03:14.040 --> 00:03:16.300
for you on Mother's Day or the same for Father's Day.
00:03:16.300 --> 00:03:21.120
But the reality is if we don't have days like this to think about what our,
00:03:21.644 --> 00:03:24.964
partner does for us or what our mother or our father does for us,
00:03:25.064 --> 00:03:29.084
well then do we ever really stop to think and appreciate what they do? I don't know.
00:03:29.324 --> 00:03:34.144
I think it's a bit over the top to be saying every day should be Valentine's Day.
00:03:34.304 --> 00:03:38.444
You should show your love for your partner in every day.
00:03:39.004 --> 00:03:42.544
Yes, we should, but Valentine's Day, I guess, is one of those days where you
00:03:42.544 --> 00:03:46.324
just go that little bit further than you normally would, take them out for dinner.
00:03:47.024 --> 00:03:50.284
Send them some flowers or whatever the case may be, just to say,
00:03:50.404 --> 00:03:54.944
hey, this is the day that, you know, we celebrate love, so I'm celebrating my love for you.
00:03:54.984 --> 00:03:58.204
Which is like a birthday, basically, isn't it? A birthday comes around once
00:03:58.204 --> 00:04:01.284
a year, and you celebrate it specially, and then you have the special birthdays
00:04:01.284 --> 00:04:04.544
of 16, 18-year-old, 21, and so on.
00:04:04.724 --> 00:04:09.284
Of course, the cynics would also say that this is all a big commercial exercise,
00:04:09.444 --> 00:04:13.544
that it's all done to try and feed the economy with business.
00:04:13.544 --> 00:04:19.544
Whether it's greeting card places, whether it's florists, whether it's restaurant
00:04:19.544 --> 00:04:23.124
industry, it's all there to try and generate more business for them.
00:04:23.244 --> 00:04:25.964
And maybe there's a part of it. There's maybe some truth in that.
00:04:26.204 --> 00:04:29.444
Same with Mother's Day and Father's Day. Yeah, but the thing is,
00:04:29.544 --> 00:04:32.044
it is done that way nowadays.
00:04:32.524 --> 00:04:38.324
Before, when we were a little bit slower in our lifestyle, we didn't have the
00:04:38.324 --> 00:04:40.504
social media, we didn't have all that sort of stuff.
00:04:40.504 --> 00:04:48.184
It was more, how will value, I feel, that you made the effort to make the time,
00:04:48.444 --> 00:04:51.664
book a restaurant, get the flowers, all that sort of stuff.
00:04:51.844 --> 00:04:55.224
Nowadays, it's, hi, love, it's Valentine's Day, happy Valentine's Day,
00:04:55.224 --> 00:04:56.704
and it's about the end of it.
00:04:57.064 --> 00:05:01.784
In most cases, there are still people who are doing the traditional thing,
00:05:01.964 --> 00:05:09.144
which is going to a restaurant, but specifically to something nicer than your everyday type place.
00:05:09.304 --> 00:05:14.624
Yeah. So when you think about it, the meaning to the two people concerned is
00:05:14.624 --> 00:05:15.744
the most important part.
00:05:16.564 --> 00:05:22.044
The feeling they get, the joy they get, the want to express their love for their
00:05:22.044 --> 00:05:23.404
partner and all that sort of thing.
00:05:23.524 --> 00:05:26.064
It is more special for that particular couple.
00:05:26.264 --> 00:05:31.184
Well, the one thing that I often wonder about is what do people do on Valentine's
00:05:31.184 --> 00:05:33.764
Day that don't have a partner? Or they wish they had a partner?
00:05:34.084 --> 00:05:36.344
Or maybe have lost their partner.
00:05:36.664 --> 00:05:41.824
What sort of a day is it for them? I guess not every day is going to apply to every person, is it?
00:05:41.944 --> 00:05:44.904
Even Mother's Day and Father's Day. Not everyone necessarily has their mother
00:05:44.904 --> 00:05:49.544
around or their father around. Well, that's what I was just going to say. To celebrate that day.
00:05:49.784 --> 00:05:53.064
And you've got, you know, like every generation. Everyone says the generation
00:05:53.064 --> 00:05:57.204
before was better than the current generation. They weren't anything like it and whatever, have you?
00:05:57.444 --> 00:06:04.524
But that's been coming up. I'm in my 80s, and I reckon I've heard it about 80 times every year.
00:06:04.524 --> 00:06:10.804
Well, I always look at, for example, movies and see the way life was back in
00:06:10.804 --> 00:06:12.944
the day. And I remember back in the.
00:06:13.426 --> 00:06:17.606
In the happy days type era, the 50s and 60s, the rock and roll era,
00:06:18.026 --> 00:06:22.786
how they used to get together for, for, for dancers and, and,
00:06:23.106 --> 00:06:25.826
and parties and, and, and that sort of thing.
00:06:25.946 --> 00:06:29.466
And, and the guy taking out the girl was just the done thing.
00:06:29.746 --> 00:06:33.326
And I reckon it would have been a lot more fun in those days when they used
00:06:33.326 --> 00:06:38.346
to have, you know, dances and, and, and regular, regular gatherings socially.
00:06:38.626 --> 00:06:42.486
What we did in those years, and I know you're talking about days before you
00:06:42.486 --> 00:06:43.786
were born. Yeah, exactly.
00:06:43.926 --> 00:06:48.486
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah. But the thing is that if you wanted to have fun,
00:06:48.626 --> 00:06:49.666
you had to make it yourself.
00:06:49.866 --> 00:06:54.066
Yes. We had this situation where we had a group of people, and I can't remember
00:06:54.066 --> 00:06:57.986
the numbers, probably 15, 20 people, girls and guys.
00:06:58.826 --> 00:07:04.086
And all the guys or the girls would have a party on a Saturday night,
00:07:04.086 --> 00:07:06.246
usually at a different location. Yeah.
00:07:06.426 --> 00:07:11.786
So you might only have a party at your place twice in one year or three times
00:07:11.786 --> 00:07:14.486
in one year. Yeah. And that's how we made our fun.
00:07:14.666 --> 00:07:20.966
We did. We'd go out and buy illegal grub and the drugs like cigarettes.
00:07:22.526 --> 00:07:28.086
Like the ones that are now legal. Oh, yeah. But that's what I'm saying. It was different.
00:07:28.466 --> 00:07:31.486
You made your own fun. You had your own group.
00:07:31.706 --> 00:07:36.066
We never traveled hundreds of miles to get to a destination that we wanted to
00:07:36.066 --> 00:07:37.366
come back from the same night.
00:07:37.506 --> 00:07:41.766
Well, they didn't have mobile phones. They didn't have all of these gadgets
00:07:41.766 --> 00:07:45.906
like iPads and iPhones and all that sort of stuff. We didn't have typewriters.
00:07:46.166 --> 00:07:52.426
Yeah. So it was really reliant on people being interactive with each other and
00:07:52.426 --> 00:07:54.246
communicating with each other.
00:07:54.466 --> 00:07:59.246
And that's what's a fall down now as a population, if you like,
00:07:59.446 --> 00:08:03.366
that we don't have time to talk to one another.
00:08:03.366 --> 00:08:10.346
We don't know, most of the younger people don't really know how to approach somebody.
00:08:11.046 --> 00:08:15.266
It's all done by emojis and all that sort of stuff.
00:08:15.466 --> 00:08:20.646
And messages, yeah. Yeah, and messages. So just going back to what we were talking about earlier,
00:08:20.946 --> 00:08:25.006
about who didn't have one partner and who didn't have someone to talk to,
00:08:25.006 --> 00:08:31.526
So I don't think the younger population don't particularly put a lot of value
00:08:31.526 --> 00:08:34.086
on necessarily having someone special.
00:08:35.086 --> 00:08:39.246
To them, if I'm on my own, that's fine. If I find somebody, it's fine.
00:08:39.406 --> 00:08:41.746
And it's sort of get on with it type thing.
00:08:42.686 --> 00:08:48.066
In this day and age of everything being disposable, it sounds like even people are disposable.
00:08:48.426 --> 00:08:52.786
Well, yeah. To some extent. Yeah, I think you'll find that the older populations
00:08:52.786 --> 00:08:59.646
had a problem. They just had to live with the problems they had with, you know,
00:09:00.382 --> 00:09:05.302
When the kids grow up, I'll leave this guy. Or he's saying, when the kids grow
00:09:05.302 --> 00:09:07.302
up, I'm going to leave her or whatever.
00:09:07.782 --> 00:09:09.402
It was always around the kids.
00:09:09.922 --> 00:09:13.682
You didn't want to break up the family. And if you did, your parents started
00:09:13.682 --> 00:09:17.262
getting into you anyway, whether they knew what was going on or not.
00:09:17.502 --> 00:09:19.922
Get back to your wife or get back to your husband type thing.
00:09:20.762 --> 00:09:26.222
Now, I think with people having their own freedom, and it's not sort of the
00:09:26.222 --> 00:09:29.802
guy that's got to have the freedom or do all this sort of stuff.
00:09:29.802 --> 00:09:36.222
The woman is just as free to do whatever she likes and not be bound by a guy
00:09:36.222 --> 00:09:39.582
who's sort of putting pressure on, say, stay here or I'm going to whatever.
00:09:40.022 --> 00:09:46.542
So, yeah, it's probably a day, too, that we celebrate, we should celebrate to
00:09:46.542 --> 00:09:49.622
keep this concept. Sorry, that's it. I'll change that.
00:09:49.862 --> 00:09:53.442
Yes, that concept has got to be there.
00:09:53.562 --> 00:09:58.522
And just to keep it alive and to sort of remind people what today is.
00:09:58.522 --> 00:10:03.702
Do you think that there's enough helping and guiding and advising younger people
00:10:03.702 --> 00:10:09.102
in the right way when it comes to love and finding love and even identifying
00:10:09.102 --> 00:10:12.102
what love is and what it should feel like?
00:10:12.382 --> 00:10:18.582
Because I think a lot of people confuse certain feelings with love,
00:10:18.842 --> 00:10:21.002
genuine love. Let me just ask you a question then.
00:10:21.182 --> 00:10:24.022
And they don't realize it until often it's too late that, hey,
00:10:24.122 --> 00:10:26.762
maybe I wasn't in love, maybe it was something else that I was feeling.
00:10:26.762 --> 00:10:29.242
And all of a sudden it breaks up the relationship.
00:10:29.482 --> 00:10:31.442
Let me just ask you a question there.
00:10:32.042 --> 00:10:37.202
First and foremostly, if you try to tell a teenager something like that,
00:10:37.422 --> 00:10:38.762
they know them more than you do.
00:10:40.462 --> 00:10:46.262
But that's not just this generation. Just imagine if your father or your mother
00:10:46.262 --> 00:10:49.142
came to you and said, Vince, this is what you've got to do.
00:10:49.302 --> 00:10:53.802
That's the deal you've got to go with or that's the deal that you've got to court or whatever.
00:10:53.902 --> 00:10:58.182
Well, I'm not saying that they should be dictating who you see or what you should do.
00:10:58.322 --> 00:11:01.442
I'm talking about just simply educating you on...
00:11:02.119 --> 00:11:08.839
The differences in various experiences that you're going to go through and the difference between,
00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:17.319
for example, pleasure and love, the difference between having an egotistical
00:11:17.319 --> 00:11:19.699
type feeling versus love.
00:11:19.839 --> 00:11:23.039
Because some people can feed someone's ego enough to think, oh,
00:11:23.079 --> 00:11:27.079
I really love this person, the way they make me feel, because they're feeding my ego.
00:11:27.139 --> 00:11:29.259
But that doesn't necessarily mean it's love.
00:11:29.479 --> 00:11:34.499
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. or I'm experiencing certain physical things with
00:11:34.499 --> 00:11:39.419
somebody, so all of a sudden I feel like I'm on cloud nine, so that must be
00:11:39.419 --> 00:11:41.499
love. It's not necessarily the case, is it?
00:11:41.939 --> 00:11:46.339
How would you define love? What is love to you? Just before I go there,
00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:48.139
because I don't remember what it's like.
00:11:49.379 --> 00:11:55.099
It just comes naturally now. Oh, really? But just what you were saying earlier
00:11:55.099 --> 00:12:00.919
ago, you would like to educate them, in brackets, of things that are going to
00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:02.359
happen, feelings you should have.
00:12:02.719 --> 00:12:06.679
If your family tried to tell you how you're going to feel and who you're going
00:12:06.679 --> 00:12:09.839
to feel that with and how you're going to come back, do you think you ought
00:12:09.839 --> 00:12:10.879
to take much notice of it?
00:12:11.079 --> 00:12:13.719
Yeah, I do. At best case scenario, you'd probably say, yeah,
00:12:13.819 --> 00:12:15.959
that's fine, mum and dad, but I'm going to do it my way.
00:12:16.079 --> 00:12:20.119
Sure, but if it's something that's said to you, whether you want to take notice
00:12:20.119 --> 00:12:26.759
of it or even abide by those words of advice or not, they're always in the back of your mind.
00:12:26.759 --> 00:12:32.159
And I've had conversations with my parents about this and I've still made mistakes,
00:12:32.179 --> 00:12:34.599
but you do think back to it.
00:12:34.699 --> 00:12:39.259
You do think, well, hang on, I was told that and I was warned about this and I was.
00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:44.259
So, you know, just because you've received advice or just because you've been
00:12:44.259 --> 00:12:48.719
given some guidance doesn't mean that you're smart enough at the time to follow
00:12:48.719 --> 00:12:50.899
that advice or to take that guidance.
00:12:50.899 --> 00:12:57.459
But what I'm trying to say is it would be better, I think, to try to,
00:12:57.459 --> 00:13:05.299
I guess, describe to younger people the differences between what they might be going through it.
00:13:05.946 --> 00:13:10.746
Their age, especially in the teenage era, versus what you will feel as an adult
00:13:10.746 --> 00:13:13.226
as you get older and as you grow older with somebody.
00:13:13.646 --> 00:13:21.446
And the differences between lust and love, the differences between just feeling
00:13:21.446 --> 00:13:26.166
good with someone because you're going through something that you feel successful
00:13:26.166 --> 00:13:28.486
with and they just happen to be there with you.
00:13:28.606 --> 00:13:33.626
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think a lot of people make big mistakes,
00:13:34.246 --> 00:13:38.126
costly mistakes, both for them and their partner, and often children are involved,
00:13:38.306 --> 00:13:43.226
when they make commitments with someone that they're not necessarily in love with.
00:13:43.566 --> 00:13:49.206
And on the other hand, they also are doing a disservice to the person that they're
00:13:49.206 --> 00:13:51.006
committing to if they don't really love them.
00:13:51.326 --> 00:13:55.986
Yeah, but look, every generation is different. I know it's a complicated topic.
00:13:55.986 --> 00:14:02.786
Every generation has different qualities, different problems,
00:14:02.906 --> 00:14:07.906
and especially now with electronics and the speed of the world.
00:14:08.266 --> 00:14:13.126
So when you sort of say, yeah, this is what you should do, you're going back
00:14:13.126 --> 00:14:18.866
to what you know as a person in your age, talking to a current generation.
00:14:19.626 --> 00:14:21.246
Yes, that's true too. A teenager.
00:14:22.526 --> 00:14:28.666
So what's relevant back in the 1980s is not necessarily relevant in the 2020s. Absolutely.
00:14:28.986 --> 00:14:31.186
Stuff like that. That's what you're trying to say. I understand that.
00:14:31.186 --> 00:14:35.466
Not only that. But surely certain things don't change. Well, it does be in this way.
00:14:35.906 --> 00:14:41.666
This current generation are probably the generation who have waited or wait
00:14:41.666 --> 00:14:45.626
the longest to get married. To make a commitment.
00:14:46.546 --> 00:14:53.206
They have commitments with a person, and it lasts two years, four years, five years.
00:14:53.346 --> 00:14:58.306
But it's not strong enough to say, yeah, we're going to take the jump and go and get married.
00:14:58.546 --> 00:15:05.786
So the older they get, of course, the younger their kids are going to be born later.
00:15:06.826 --> 00:15:12.486
So it always seems to, unless you've got someone who wants to push it back and say, no, no.
00:15:12.806 --> 00:15:18.046
Like in our day, we didn't have anything to do. So if you had a partner that
00:15:18.046 --> 00:15:22.966
you got on with and he loved and whatever, you got married at 21, 22, 23.
00:15:23.566 --> 00:15:25.086
Nowadays, not many people get
00:15:25.086 --> 00:15:28.426
married in the 20s. They won't until they're well into their 30s. Yeah.
00:15:28.846 --> 00:15:32.806
And sometimes not having children until it's too late. Well, that's the other thing.
00:15:33.146 --> 00:15:37.106
So this is where you're sort of, it's hard to sort of get out there and say
00:15:37.106 --> 00:15:40.506
to the kids, listen, this is what you've got to do. You get married at 21.
00:15:40.806 --> 00:15:43.786
If you find a partner that you think you're going to love for the rest of your
00:15:43.786 --> 00:15:50.226
life, And if they do it at that time now, you find that most of them don't make it go forever.
00:15:50.746 --> 00:15:57.126
As did, again, in my generation anyway, you never, it was unheard of.
00:15:57.326 --> 00:16:02.066
It was a sin to break up with your wife and break up the family and leave the
00:16:02.066 --> 00:16:03.326
kids and all that sort of thing.
00:16:03.526 --> 00:16:07.126
So do you think in those days there would have been a lot more breakups if it
00:16:07.126 --> 00:16:11.526
wasn't for that sort of guilt tripping of people? How dare you leave your wife?
00:16:12.066 --> 00:16:16.686
That's unheard of. Not guilt-tripping, necessarily. It was just like a, it was just never done.
00:16:17.086 --> 00:16:20.746
You know, a man doesn't do that. A woman doesn't do that. Was there a lot more
00:16:20.746 --> 00:16:27.106
pressure in terms of the Christian society that we lived in where it was frowned upon to be divorced?
00:16:27.646 --> 00:16:32.266
Well, that obviously had a part of it. And religion's got a part in all of our
00:16:32.266 --> 00:16:34.806
lives. I don't think it plays as much of a part nowadays.
00:16:35.146 --> 00:16:39.746
In a different way. I think in a different way. And not in the way we believed it.
00:16:40.006 --> 00:16:44.166
Everything was never asked or never challenged. You know, who was at the pad
00:16:44.166 --> 00:16:46.526
of the Red Sea? Moses. Moses.
00:16:48.391 --> 00:16:51.951
You're not going to get buzzed and believe that he actually parted the rich
00:16:51.951 --> 00:16:56.371
soon. Whereas in the other day, we probably thought, hey, that's not a bad trick.
00:16:59.631 --> 00:17:01.011
But do you understand what I'm
00:17:01.011 --> 00:17:07.031
going to do? Yes, yes. It's the current generation challenge most things.
00:17:07.271 --> 00:17:10.831
They'll ask the question. If you say, I should do this, that,
00:17:10.851 --> 00:17:12.191
and the other, they say, well, hang on a minute.
00:17:12.531 --> 00:17:16.711
Why should I do this, that, and the other? And how do you know that that's going
00:17:16.711 --> 00:17:19.391
to work? And they question everything.
00:17:19.851 --> 00:17:25.031
They're not as sort of, shall I say, dumb as we were. Gullible?
00:17:25.251 --> 00:17:27.011
Well, gullible is a better word.
00:17:27.331 --> 00:17:31.271
And we believe 90% of what was told to us.
00:17:31.411 --> 00:17:35.791
Yes. But then as you get older, of course, you find your feet and you join the
00:17:35.791 --> 00:17:38.391
rest of the people. And it's different.
00:17:38.591 --> 00:17:44.391
It's just a different, yeah. I mean, even we go back to the old days where the
00:17:44.391 --> 00:17:48.771
priest would come and talk to the newly, well, not even newlyweds yet,
00:17:48.971 --> 00:17:51.671
the aspiring couple who wanted to get married.
00:17:51.791 --> 00:17:55.871
And the priest was talking to them. The priest had never been married in his life. Sure.
00:17:56.231 --> 00:18:00.231
Never had a partner. Well, supposedly not.
00:18:00.791 --> 00:18:04.691
And trying to all of a sudden preach to these two young people about how they
00:18:04.691 --> 00:18:07.651
ought to behave as a married couple. Yeah.
00:18:08.011 --> 00:18:11.171
And how to teach the kids and what to do with the kids, bring them to church
00:18:11.171 --> 00:18:12.891
every five minutes and all that sort of thing.
00:18:13.271 --> 00:18:17.131
It did. It's different. And yet we used to take that seriously,
00:18:17.511 --> 00:18:19.511
you know? Oh, listen to what the priest says to you. We did.
00:18:19.811 --> 00:18:28.211
I tell you, in my day, I'm older than Australia, but it's just you didn't doubt
00:18:28.211 --> 00:18:29.771
anything. You didn't challenge anything.
00:18:30.131 --> 00:18:33.931
If a person of position, a policeman.
00:18:34.531 --> 00:18:42.831
Someone in authority. Yeah, a church priest, a politician, anyone of that sort
00:18:42.831 --> 00:18:43.831
of. The school principal.
00:18:45.571 --> 00:18:49.071
You didn't argue with it. They said, this is what it is, and this is what's
00:18:49.071 --> 00:18:50.711
going to happen. You say, yes, sir.
00:18:52.211 --> 00:18:55.831
If they say jump, you say, yeah, hi. That's the way we do it.
00:18:56.171 --> 00:19:00.931
I think a lot of those so-called norms have been questioned over the decades, and
00:19:01.310 --> 00:19:05.910
Now, we are in an era where everything is questioned, but I think some of the
00:19:05.910 --> 00:19:13.890
traditions that have waned in recent times are worthy of at least acknowledgement
00:19:13.890 --> 00:19:16.610
in that they had their part to play.
00:19:17.050 --> 00:19:22.850
And Valentine's Day, to me, brings memories of doing the right thing as a guy.
00:19:22.970 --> 00:19:27.970
I mean, I obviously speak as a male, and you'd approach the female and ask her
00:19:27.970 --> 00:19:31.590
if you'd like to go out for a date. That's if you weren't together.
00:19:31.950 --> 00:19:35.250
If you were already in a partnership with a girlfriend, well,
00:19:35.350 --> 00:19:37.130
then, yeah, you show her your appreciation.
00:19:37.470 --> 00:19:41.610
You make the effort, buy some flowers, send a card, whatever it might be,
00:19:41.710 --> 00:19:46.610
and then go out for dinner that night and might have a dance as well as having a nice meal somewhere.
00:19:46.850 --> 00:19:51.850
And it was a special memory to me. I mean, Valentine's Day should create memories.
00:19:52.090 --> 00:19:57.030
That's what it's about for me. And I just think it's something that should be
00:19:57.030 --> 00:20:02.690
celebrated as a bit of fun and a bit of an opportunity to show some gratitude
00:20:02.690 --> 00:20:04.990
and some love to the person that you're meant to care about.
00:20:05.430 --> 00:20:08.570
It's as simple as that. I don't think we need to complicate it too much.
00:20:08.690 --> 00:20:11.210
If you're not in a relationship, well, you're not in a relationship.
00:20:11.210 --> 00:20:15.370
You're probably going to be saying, oh, well, another Valentine's Day without somebody in my life.
00:20:15.470 --> 00:20:18.890
But the minute you are in a relationship and you do experience that,
00:20:19.110 --> 00:20:21.210
I think most people would cherish that.
00:20:21.450 --> 00:20:25.570
To me, it's all about cherishing the memories of love that you either did have
00:20:25.570 --> 00:20:29.030
with someone once or you still have with someone today. Well,
00:20:29.210 --> 00:20:30.550
true enough. No, no, best memories.
00:20:30.710 --> 00:20:34.870
It was people I'm not with now, but they were still great memories at the time
00:20:34.870 --> 00:20:38.210
and we still had a nice night. I can't even remember who it was around.
00:20:41.950 --> 00:20:43.890
It's all right, Paul. I'll take you out for dinner later.
00:20:46.690 --> 00:20:47.930
That'd be good. You might have to.
00:20:50.090 --> 00:20:54.490
Anyway, it is. Well, what we want to do actually, I think we went into a little
00:20:54.490 --> 00:20:59.290
bit more detail of raising kids and what the difference is. Well,
00:20:59.290 --> 00:21:02.650
we're talking about love and relationships and what makes them tick.
00:21:02.890 --> 00:21:09.630
Yeah, all the people who enter the day of Valentine's Day, we wish them all
00:21:09.630 --> 00:21:12.670
the best and have a happy Valentine's Day.
00:21:12.850 --> 00:21:17.650
Yes, and our thoughts go out to anyone who's not celebrating Valentine's Day for whatever reason.
00:21:18.090 --> 00:21:23.510
And unhappy. Not everyone's a mother, so they don't get to celebrate Mother's Day.
00:21:23.630 --> 00:21:26.730
Not everyone's a father, so they won't necessarily celebrate Father's Day.
00:21:26.850 --> 00:21:30.690
So I guess not everyone's in a relationship, and they won't necessarily experience
00:21:30.690 --> 00:21:31.990
anything on Valentine's Day.
00:21:32.090 --> 00:21:37.290
But for those who do, make the most of it, cherish it, and make some special memories of it.
00:21:37.330 --> 00:21:44.950
Today, too, again, generational, they now would rather just wait and find someone once.
00:21:45.710 --> 00:21:51.030
It's just a thing. We had to be with someone. At 20, if you didn't have any
00:21:51.030 --> 00:21:53.250
weight, you weren't talking to anyone, you didn't have a girlfriend.
00:21:53.490 --> 00:21:57.150
If you weren't married by 22, 23, people would be asking, why are you being
00:21:57.150 --> 00:21:59.030
left on the shelf? And especially women.
00:21:59.570 --> 00:22:03.730
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, geez, why are you? She's been left on the shelf.
00:22:03.910 --> 00:22:07.730
Today, it doesn't matter if they're 20, 30, 40, if they're not with someone,
00:22:08.030 --> 00:22:12.750
it's not necessarily because it's not just they can't get anyone.
00:22:12.750 --> 00:22:15.950
It's just that you haven't found the person that you want.
00:22:16.150 --> 00:22:19.710
That's right. Now, just on that, before we finish up, it's on TV at the moment.
00:22:20.270 --> 00:22:25.030
I've got to ask you something. What about these shows like Married at First Sight?
00:22:25.110 --> 00:22:29.190
What do you think of them where they try and match up certain men and women,
00:22:29.670 --> 00:22:33.290
and, you know, of different backgrounds, and all of a sudden they meet each
00:22:33.290 --> 00:22:36.130
other at the altar, and they've actually got to get married,
00:22:36.150 --> 00:22:39.630
and then start finding out about each other and live with each other?
00:22:39.670 --> 00:22:42.390
What do you think of these concepts? Do you think that this is a,
00:22:42.710 --> 00:22:48.710
all in the name of entertainment and getting ratings out of shows like this
00:22:48.710 --> 00:22:52.930
for television networks, do you think it's doing any damage to young people
00:22:52.930 --> 00:22:54.170
and how they think about love?
00:22:54.290 --> 00:22:58.170
Or do you think that they look at this stuff in the same cynical way as you
00:22:58.170 --> 00:23:01.030
and I might? Absolutely. Because I look at it in a very cynical fashion.
00:23:01.210 --> 00:23:04.270
And I do. And I think of one thing, I can't, I won't say it. Mm-hmm.
00:23:05.365 --> 00:23:08.665
They're not really shows that you would sort of think, oh, yeah,
00:23:08.905 --> 00:23:11.245
it's an instructional thing.
00:23:11.725 --> 00:23:14.265
It's something that people do. But that's what a lot of young people do.
00:23:14.285 --> 00:23:16.765
They look at this and say, oh, this is what I've got to do. Exactly.
00:23:16.985 --> 00:23:20.805
And this is completely the wrong idea that they're getting.
00:23:21.605 --> 00:23:25.605
Again, for me, just looking at this, and I haven't watched a lot of it.
00:23:26.705 --> 00:23:31.965
Last night before I had a look at one of them, maybe the one going to the altar or something.
00:23:32.545 --> 00:23:37.045
The girls are stunners. The guys are sort of Ken dolls, you know.
00:23:37.165 --> 00:23:38.945
I mean, they're good-looking people.
00:23:39.085 --> 00:23:42.745
If they're having trouble getting a partner, then they have to go on to a show
00:23:42.745 --> 00:23:44.545
like that just to get a partner.
00:23:44.925 --> 00:23:48.165
I can't believe it. It's not the reason they're there for. I think they have
00:23:48.165 --> 00:23:49.785
different reasons for being there.
00:23:49.925 --> 00:23:55.965
I have no doubt that some people who go on to these shows are genuinely hoping to find somebody. No.
00:23:56.125 --> 00:23:59.705
But I think a lot of them are there for their own, either their own self.
00:24:00.065 --> 00:24:02.305
No, no, no. It's not gratification. Promotion.
00:24:02.865 --> 00:24:07.025
A lot of them are using it to promote themselves and then go on to do other
00:24:07.025 --> 00:24:12.825
things with the background of Married at First Sight as a contestant.
00:24:12.985 --> 00:24:15.205
I don't know. I think they're delusional myself.
00:24:15.365 --> 00:24:18.365
It's not like that. A lot of people love being in the spotlight like that.
00:24:18.765 --> 00:24:23.225
I was on a TV show and the whole of Australia was watching me and all that sort of thing.
00:24:23.345 --> 00:24:26.885
If they want to be on TV, why not just go into a game show? Funny enough,
00:24:27.045 --> 00:24:29.605
we used to have game shows that used to match people up too.
00:24:29.985 --> 00:24:34.945
Like perfect match, remember? back in the 80s, and they were good friends.
00:24:35.085 --> 00:24:37.585
They didn't take them off for a sit-out. No, no.
00:24:37.785 --> 00:24:40.785
They didn't get married to them. They'd just match them up, send them on a holiday
00:24:40.785 --> 00:24:42.345
somewhere and see if they'd get along. Yeah.
00:24:42.545 --> 00:24:45.645
And they'd come back and they'd report on whether they got along or didn't get along.
00:24:45.925 --> 00:24:50.665
I thought that that was much more realistic than some of this married-at-first
00:24:50.665 --> 00:24:53.745
site business where they're already walking down the aisle and marrying and
00:24:53.745 --> 00:24:56.525
putting a ring on each other's finger and they've only just met each other.
00:24:56.725 --> 00:24:59.905
It's not real. It's ridiculous. I mean, the first person who marries them is
00:24:59.905 --> 00:25:01.625
not a person. It is ridiculous.
00:25:02.685 --> 00:25:08.665
I remember seeing it from the 70s. It was a show in America where they had three
00:25:08.665 --> 00:25:13.305
men behind the screen and the lady had to ask each one of the three men a question
00:25:13.305 --> 00:25:15.725
and all that. It was very similar to Perfect Match.
00:25:16.065 --> 00:25:19.645
And then in the end, based on the answers to the questions, she had to choose
00:25:19.645 --> 00:25:23.245
contestant one or two or three. Same sort of concept, really.
00:25:23.845 --> 00:25:27.985
That's a little different in the sense that they're matching up people.
00:25:28.685 --> 00:25:33.465
It's like going to a bar and talking to someone. You know, you might talk to
00:25:33.465 --> 00:25:36.545
that person for 10 minutes or half an hour or an hour, but just,
00:25:36.745 --> 00:25:37.985
you've then got to make up your mind.
00:25:38.145 --> 00:25:41.785
Now, do I want to ask her out? Does she want to ask me out?
00:25:42.145 --> 00:25:46.005
Is she going to, she's thinking the same thing. Is he the guy I really want
00:25:46.005 --> 00:25:48.765
to be with? What do I do here? And then they've got to make a decision.
00:25:48.985 --> 00:25:52.945
Well, yeah, they were okay. They were nice. Yeah, well, maybe go out for a cup
00:25:52.945 --> 00:25:55.385
of coffee and then go have some lunch or something.
00:25:55.725 --> 00:25:59.345
Look, there's one thing that's true, and that is if you've got two willing people.
00:25:59.988 --> 00:26:04.708
Eventually, you find somebody. And if you have enough willing men who are trying
00:26:04.708 --> 00:26:11.208
to search for someone nice and enough willing women who are prepared to entertain such a person,
00:26:11.408 --> 00:26:15.748
normally two souls end up finding their soulmate.
00:26:15.908 --> 00:26:20.928
Yeah, but here's the thing. I think, which is my own personal opinion,
00:26:21.248 --> 00:26:25.828
with these people, they have to acknowledge that no one is perfect.
00:26:26.308 --> 00:26:30.988
That's true. That's very true. A lot of people, and I'm not talking about the
00:26:30.988 --> 00:26:36.128
current generation, this is all walks of life, a lot of people sit there and
00:26:36.128 --> 00:26:39.048
look for the perfect person in their eyes.
00:26:39.228 --> 00:26:42.988
And if they don't find the perfect person, they- Discard them.
00:26:43.148 --> 00:26:46.928
They discard them. What's wrong with that is that the person that's looking
00:26:46.928 --> 00:26:50.668
for a person who is perfect can't be that perfect themselves.
00:26:51.028 --> 00:26:54.928
No. So what they're looking for is something that they haven't got,
00:26:55.088 --> 00:26:57.988
which to me, you've got to compromise. Yes.
00:26:58.228 --> 00:27:00.988
You meet someone. Everyone has their faults. Yeah. Except for you.
00:27:01.568 --> 00:27:03.208
Well, of course, that goes by the same.
00:27:04.288 --> 00:27:08.948
But, you know, they have to sort of say, well, okay, look, he's not the best-looking
00:27:08.948 --> 00:27:12.308
guy in the world, but he's generous, he's kind, he's, you know,
00:27:12.508 --> 00:27:15.848
looking after me, he doesn't sort of upset me.
00:27:16.228 --> 00:27:21.528
That's the sort of thing because love doesn't last forever, but in a different concept.
00:27:21.728 --> 00:27:25.308
When you meet a person, it's all, you can't wait to see them the next week,
00:27:25.408 --> 00:27:26.668
the next day, the next hour.
00:27:27.291 --> 00:27:30.771
And after a time, you settle down and become a partnership.
00:27:31.131 --> 00:27:34.291
Yes. And if you get married young, this is, again, my own opinion,
00:27:34.511 --> 00:27:38.091
you tend to be like two trees that grow together, okay?
00:27:38.331 --> 00:27:42.451
Because you're free of any illusion.
00:27:42.871 --> 00:27:47.151
Yes. If you marry at a later date, you've both got idiosyncrasies.
00:27:47.471 --> 00:27:50.471
You're like too cold. You're more stubborn.
00:27:50.731 --> 00:27:56.411
More stubborn. And you're more insistent on what you want and what fits your
00:27:56.411 --> 00:28:00.711
particular⦠Which means those two trees don't go straight up.
00:28:00.831 --> 00:28:03.251
No. They tend to pull it apart. Yeah.
00:28:03.491 --> 00:28:07.771
And if it gets too bad, it falls⦠So does that mean marriage should happen between
00:28:07.771 --> 00:28:10.031
people who are 12 and 13 years of age?
00:28:11.011 --> 00:28:14.031
I don't think we have to get that. No, no, I don't think so.
00:28:14.031 --> 00:28:14.991
No, but yeah, seriously.
00:28:15.211 --> 00:28:19.671
I mean, if you get into the late teens when you sort of meet somebody⦠Well,
00:28:19.731 --> 00:28:23.831
it used to happen all the time. I mean, if you go back probably even 50,
00:28:23.991 --> 00:28:27.971
60 years ago, back into the 60s and 70s, the vast majority of people were married
00:28:27.971 --> 00:28:29.871
in their early 20s. Oh, absolutely.
00:28:30.251 --> 00:28:35.071
21, 22. I was married. Even some girls like 19. They'd be married at 19.
00:28:35.251 --> 00:28:39.091
I was married at 25 and I was going five years with my late wife.
00:28:39.311 --> 00:28:41.771
Really? And she was at the time 23.
00:28:42.331 --> 00:28:47.791
So you were 26, 27, weren't you? I was 25. Yeah, so we met in 63. three.
00:28:48.031 --> 00:28:51.131
So yeah, I knew her for five years.
00:28:51.391 --> 00:28:55.551
We knew each other. We went together as a girlfriend boy for five years.
00:28:55.711 --> 00:28:58.971
I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have even got married at the time.
00:28:59.091 --> 00:29:02.971
It's just that one day I went to her place and the mother and father trapped
00:29:02.971 --> 00:29:05.271
me in the kitchen. One stood at one door and the other.
00:29:05.611 --> 00:29:09.511
And the mother-in-law, who was, God rest their souls, she was a funny person.
00:29:09.631 --> 00:29:11.831
She said, when are you two going to get married?
00:29:12.531 --> 00:29:16.691
Not if you are, when are you? And I was looking at both doors and I couldn't
00:29:16.691 --> 00:29:19.231
get through in and I said, we'll set a date now.
00:29:20.871 --> 00:29:26.311
But you see, even that, you had parents that had expectations on their kids
00:29:26.311 --> 00:29:28.011
and the partners of their kids.
00:29:28.615 --> 00:29:31.955
You know, make a decision. You're not going to hang around with my daughter forever. That's right.
00:29:32.835 --> 00:29:35.715
What's your intentions? Yeah, what are your intentions? You've had enough time
00:29:35.715 --> 00:29:37.935
to get to know her now. Do you want to marry her or don't you?
00:29:38.495 --> 00:29:40.915
These days, parents don't. In fact, if anything, it's the opposite.
00:29:41.115 --> 00:29:44.495
I don't want to marry her. Get rid of that. He's no good for you.
00:29:45.355 --> 00:29:48.635
Oh, no, that went in anything. Even in those days, we had that.
00:29:49.135 --> 00:29:51.375
But it's slightly different. They sort of had more say. Well,
00:29:51.415 --> 00:29:55.115
a lot of guys are very reluctant to make commitment in that respect. That's true.
00:29:55.355 --> 00:30:01.255
Yes. and probably for more reasons than what we had when we were at the younger
00:30:01.255 --> 00:30:04.095
age, in the early to mid-20s.
00:30:04.675 --> 00:30:09.275
Nowadays, you've got to be more careful with the laws. If you do break up,
00:30:09.535 --> 00:30:10.895
how are you going to split stuff up?
00:30:10.975 --> 00:30:15.795
If the kids are there, who has the kids, who takes them, who feeds them,
00:30:15.875 --> 00:30:17.575
who pays the debts for them.
00:30:18.575 --> 00:30:21.955
We've got to board a house. We've got to split everything.
00:30:22.075 --> 00:30:24.635
I've got my super, you've got to get hard. All this sort of thing,
00:30:24.835 --> 00:30:27.595
I think guys and women, probably women just as much as the guys,
00:30:27.735 --> 00:30:30.795
look at the thing and say, hang on, is all this worth it?
00:30:30.815 --> 00:30:33.555
I can go and live with this guy, but the problem now is with the law,
00:30:33.935 --> 00:30:38.615
if you live with someone for a couple of years, they've got the same rights as if you're married.
00:30:39.055 --> 00:30:42.115
The only difference is you don't have a piece of paper. And on that note,
00:30:42.275 --> 00:30:48.075
for all of those people out there that are going to propose on Valentine's Day, good luck.
00:30:50.375 --> 00:30:54.015
Anyway. It is a funny life and a funny woman.
00:30:54.315 --> 00:31:01.255
Yes. But love is grand. And if you do get to experience it, it is certainly worth pursuing.
00:31:01.395 --> 00:31:05.315
Well, I think love is, again, if you're lucky enough to find the right person
00:31:05.315 --> 00:31:08.075
the first time, you're definitely...
00:31:08.810 --> 00:31:11.930
Lucky. Lucky. Very, very lucky. And again, the same with friends.
00:31:12.490 --> 00:31:14.810
People say, oh, I've got hundreds of friends. They haven't got hundreds.
00:31:14.890 --> 00:31:18.610
They've got hundreds of acquaintances. Not even that sometimes.
00:31:18.990 --> 00:31:24.210
They might just be lucky to have one or two friends who would do anything for it.
00:31:24.390 --> 00:31:30.470
Yes. So, yeah, let's look at reality and forget about the fairies.
00:31:30.690 --> 00:31:34.490
Yes, exactly right. There's nothing wrong with having acquaintances and other
00:31:34.490 --> 00:31:36.910
people you can talk to or go out for a drink with or whatever.
00:31:36.910 --> 00:31:41.130
But you've got to remember that if you get in trouble, they're not going to come to your rescue.
00:31:41.430 --> 00:31:45.430
True. And if there's one thing that I guess goes hand in hand with Valentine's
00:31:45.430 --> 00:31:48.470
Day, it's love songs and music.
00:31:48.750 --> 00:31:53.030
So whatever you do this Valentine's Day, pick out your favorite love song and
00:31:53.030 --> 00:31:55.190
play it to your partner if you have one.
00:31:55.530 --> 00:31:59.390
Yes. So thank you for being with us. Yes. I love you, Paul.
00:32:02.470 --> 00:32:04.770
Oh, I hope you're not the only friend I've got.
00:32:07.730 --> 00:32:11.150
And we all love you and we hope you're loving our podcast. We'll see you next
00:32:11.150 --> 00:32:15.310
time. Yeah, and have a great day on Valentine's Day.
00:32:15.810 --> 00:32:22.130
And to you, our loyal listeners, we will talk to you again soon. Have a great day.
00:32:23.030 --> 00:32:27.810
Thank you for listening to Why Is It So? Make sure you tune in to our next episode.
00:32:28.110 --> 00:32:31.190
Remember, it's your last defence for common sense.
