Unveiling the Role of a Conversationalist: Meet Kyle Levier

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Welcome to Why Is It So? Your last defence for common sense,

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with your co-hosts Paul Zammett and Vince Locizzano.

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Welcome to Why Is It So? I'm Paul, and unfortunately my co-host Vince is still

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recouping from some surgery he had.

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Today I have a special guest who I came across and when I got talking to him

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and what he does, I found very interesting.

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I'm sure that you will also find this episode interesting.

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Our guest, Kyle Levy, is what is called a conversationalist,

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who I thought is also a life coach, but I quickly found out not a life coach.

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He classified his profession as being between a psychiatrist who is a medical

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doctor and can treat a patient with medicine and talk therapy,

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and the psychologist treats a patient with talk therapy and assessments.

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Both treat people with mental problems in different ways.

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Listening to him tell his story is very informative, so I'll introduce you to Kyle now.

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Well, Kyle, I'll just introduce you as a life coach or a conversationalist,

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but there are many people out there, me included, who don't know exactly what a life coach is.

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Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about life coaches. It is somewhat a gray area and

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I love that you've been honest around.

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You don't know what it is and there's others that may not know what it is because

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I think thinking about this more deeply,

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traditionally, there wasn't a place for even coaching

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and And it's like something that's come out of the middle ground between psychology

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and psychotherapy and counseling and these more defined professions where a

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coach in its simple form is helping somebody achieve a goal that they have already set.

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Oh, okay. Yeah. I get you. Yep, yep. And coaching is more around working with

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the person and what they already know. Yeah.

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Whereas what you're doing is you're actually helping them with a problem they

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have and they don't know what you're doing wrong. Is that basically in a shell?

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Yeah, a hundred percent. And I guess the title that I run with is Insight and

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Emotional Intelligence Coach. So that identifies the two areas that I work in.

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One, offering insights to people from what they tell me and very intentional questions that I ask.

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And also the emotional intelligence arena where developing emotional intelligence

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that looks like how well do I know my own emotions and how I interact with them

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and how I can support and interact with other people's emotions.

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Okay. So what actually led you to go in that direction? Obviously,

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it wasn't just a thunderbolt from the sky that said, hey, this is what you've got to do.

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What drove you to it? Yeah. Yeah, good question.

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It's my lived experiences from relationships with women and essentially how

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in some way or another, I would unconsciously or unknowingly destroy them.

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And what I mean by that is, yeah, not through any form of violence or anything,

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but just there's parts of me that would sabotage the relationships.

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So I had this pursuit of love with a woman and I want to have a relationship

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and I want things to be beautiful and connected.

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And there was parts of me that were just sabotaging that. And I started to notice

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patterns in me that would do that.

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And a lot of that area was, yeah, how I interacted with my emotions and more

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so how I didn't even know how my suppressed emotions were interfering with the

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connection with a woman.

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And I typically only really knew joy and anger and had no understanding or experience

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of my sadness or other emotions.

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And so my partner would typically just get either happy me or angry me. Yeah.

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Yeah. And yeah, through relationship breakup and the heartache is,

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that was typically the catalyst for my transformation.

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So you were actually looking at a woman or a person and it says, yeah, yeah.

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I like this person, let's get together without actually thinking about anything

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further than that at this stage until you sort of got to know the person and

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then the problems start. Is that basically it all?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much. All it was, my attitude and my approach to relationship

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was, yeah, just seeing a woman that I was attracted to,

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things I liked about her, some physical attraction, and then I would just go

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into a relationship, but there

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was no real kind of clarity of what I was bringing to the relationship,

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who she was on a deeper level and how to meet her and how to nourish her in

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the ways that she needed.

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It was just this thing that kind of

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It was almost like a thing that just unfolded like a, I don't know,

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like a game of football or something. It just, it started somewhere and it unfolded.

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And for the first part, it was really fun and nice and connective for a certain

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point. And people refer to it as the honeymoon period.

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Yeah. And then things would start to surface in me or in her.

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And it was just, yeah, it was just a road of deterioration. Yeah. Yeah.

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Tell me, what is your demographic? Is it mostly men or women or couples or singles

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or what age range do you, how do you sort of, your population,

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who are you talking to and how are you getting there? Yeah.

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Yes. It's something I ask myself too, Paul. My target is men.

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Right. And I feel like because of my age

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and the way I've grown up and the generation I grew up with, so I'm 48,

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so I grew up as a little boy in the 80s and 90s and I feel like there's a certain

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cultural imprinting during those years of growing up.

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So I feel like I resonate with men in my age group. So they are my target audience.

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Men are my target audience, put simply. And I'm starting to move more towards

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men that haven't had children yet.

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So men that are looking to go into relationship, to start having children.

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So men around mid-20s to mid-30s, talking

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to them about really healthy values and attributes of masculinity that it's

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a really confusing arena for men in this time with this explosion of male influences

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that are on social media and all these different ideas of what a man is and

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how he should be and different things.

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And ironically, I have more women following my social media accounts than men.

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So I've got some work to do on my messaging, I think. But my target audience

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is definitely men and working with men in their relationships with their partners.

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Do you see that guys, men generally are hesitant to do anything with mental

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health or physical health or, you know, I've got a mile, so I've got,

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no, that'll be all right.

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I'll go and see the doctor next week and they put it off all the time.

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Why do they come to you for, you know, to tell them what they're doing wrong in a relationship?

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I think, yeah, you present two different parts there, Paul. And there's this stoicism in men.

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There's this persona that men shouldn't really show any sign of weakness.

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And men have different perspectives of what is perceived as weakness.

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And this can all be characterized growing up in the formative years and as young

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boys. And it can come in the form of, you know, boys don't cry.

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Don't be a sook are you carrying on like a little girl and

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all these kind of really subtle things that little boys get

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uh delivered with and so after a

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while there's this emotional suppression that develops and little boy learns

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that oh okay i'm only liked or i'm only loved if i'm happy or if i'm playful

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or certain emotions aren't permitted or encouraged so men learn to just get

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on with it and like you said it looks like mental health looks like self-care

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or a mole or we're not taking care of ourselves.

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And men typically haven't found the confidence and understand the importance

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of self-care and self-love.

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Because if I don't put myself first, how can I take care of,

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let's use like the analogy of a king and a kingdom.

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This is not in any way oppressing of anyone, but it's like, how can I be the

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best king and take care of my kingdom if I'm not taking care of myself?

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And I think there's a lot of misconception that me taking care of myself is selfish.

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Yeah so a lot of men don't and so the reason

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why would men come and talk to me is i really feel

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that i've got a past history as a tradie so i was

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a painter and decorator for 14 years i've done

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some market gardening i'm fairly fairly relatable

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in the way that i live i play guitar i campfire guitar i surf i do things like

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that so i'm relatable and i feel like because of my lived experiences that resonate

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with so many men and the struggles that i've faced and worked through I think

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on a deeper level, men trust me.

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Hypothetically, when I ring you and start talking to you about what my problem

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is, do you get emotional because you're actually reliving what you went through?

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How do you feel about that? Yeah, it's an interesting question. Do I get emotional?

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And I think this really ties into emotional intelligence because something that's

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part of emotional intelligence is emotional boundaries.

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So to me, learning when my emotions are now being influenced by another and

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I lose myself in another person's emotions.

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So back to your question, do I get emotional?

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I don't think I get emotional, but I'm empathetic and I can relate.

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So if a man talks to me about the guilt and the regret that he feels after a

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breakup because he started reflecting on the relationship that he had with a

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woman and he can now clearly see how he dishonored her and how he dishonored himself,

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that raises a lot of guilt and a lot of sadness for

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men and i can relate to that so i don't

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i don't lose myself in the emotion i can meet him

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with empathy and compassion and understand what

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he's here what yeah and understand and relate through

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the experience i can say yeah man i've been there i can i can relate to that

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and i feel like more often than not when men hear that another man is having

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a similar or had a similar experience through that there's a lot of relief because

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men tend to isolate and feel like they're the only ones facing the problem and I've been there.

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Why do I keep messing up relationships?

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I look around and everyone seems to be in love and having these amazing relationships.

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So in sessions with people, I don't lose myself to the emotion,

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but I can definitely relate and be empathetic and compassionate.

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However, there's a time that is needed to be spent there.

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But there is a pathway into doing something about it, taking action,

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looking at how to make change an effective that man can use to grow from learning

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the lessons in the painful event.

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Okay. What about hypothetical? How does it start off? and promote yourself in

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different ways, obviously, and mostly in social media, isn't it?

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Yeah, social media, yes. I've unknowingly and sometimes reluctantly have to

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use social media to promote myself.

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It's probably one of the lower cost forms of advertising.

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But I do feel that a lot of, well, I know that statistically,

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a lot of my clients come through referrals from others.

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And they're probably the best ones to get because they know exactly what's,

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well, not exactly, but they know what they're going to go through and what we've done before.

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Totally. Well, I guess, yeah, if you have to think about it yourself,

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Paul, if you're needing support with something and you talk to someone you trust

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and they mention someone that's helped them, yeah, how does that impact you?

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Yeah. So you mentioned that you've got work with people all over the world and

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you mentioned somewhere, Dubai was at the end.

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And is this sort of a regular thing? Do you have a lot of overseas stuff?

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And how does it sort of work?

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Okay, you sort of do the same thing as what we're doing here on sort of something

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like Zoom or is it a flat call?

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I mean, I'm in Melbourne, so if I want to talk to you about my problem,

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how do I get in touch with you?

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What do I sort of start off with and say, here I am, what happens?

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do people want to get, how can people get in touch with me?

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So, yeah, the international clients that I have have come through.

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Business collaborations, so that's through, there's a

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woman that does gentle parenting stuff so she's been working

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with clients around raising children and she has

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she has a network of clients and some are international as

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well because of the modern day technology of

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instant video conferencing we have access to an

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international market now and so some of those clients have started to talk about

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relationship problems and then she refers them on to me and yeah and so the

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people that are the clients i have in dubai They have their own social network

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and so they're referring me on to their friends to get support through relationships.

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So that's how that works. But if people want to get in touch with me,

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the best port of call is my website, which is www.conversationswithkyle.com.au.

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And in there, there's stuff about me and there's a little booking portal.

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And I offer a 30-minute chat to any new potential client to screen me.

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Oh, okay. Because if someone, if I know for me as a man, if I'm going to share

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my problems and issues with another man, I need to trust him.

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And I need to recognize that he's trustworthy and he has the capacity to help

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me in the way I want to be helped.

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Because most men kind of know what they want, know what they need.

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Yeah. And it's just a matter of drawing that out.

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And then, yeah, the men can screen me. It's the same for couples.

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So everyone can go through my website, make a booking for a 30-minute chat,

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and we take it from there. and that's a space to understand what's happening

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and for people to ask me questions around, okay, how can you help us or how can you help me?

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That's an opportunity. This is a free service, isn't it, that 30 minutes?

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It's getting to know you and see, well, if you can help them and they'll see,

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well, yeah, they think you can help them. It's that way.

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Yeah, yeah, 100%. It's just an opportunity to really get a feel for what I offer

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and who I am. It's a screening process, essentially.

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So basically, you do face-to-face this way, or do you do just audio like a telephone?

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It's important for me to have video conferencing because there's so many cues

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that I can pick up visually from people.

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So there's little tells. So that's how I can understand what's happening for

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them emotionally or somatically or in their nervous system through visual.

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So it's really important for me to be able to see.

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You just sort of read the face and when the person's talking to you,

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you just sort of work it from there.

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And body language, yeah, 100%. Particularly if people don't have their own emotional

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intelligence at this point, this is where my skill is really helpful for them to help understand.

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Because if I'm sitting here and I'm having a session with you,

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Paul, and you're sitting there and your arms are folded in a typical male fashion

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and your language is really short and your answers are short.

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I'm getting information from you, from your body language.

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Have you taken a course on this thing or have you just sort of gone from this

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is what I've learned directly and I know how I felt and I pass that on to the person I'm talking to?

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Yeah, okay. So have I done courses? I have done courses. So what gives me the

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confidence to do what I do is my lived experiences and the challenges I faced

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that brought me a lot of pain and how I worked through them.

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So there's resources there available that I can share.

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But I think the most powerful things that I've learned through courses and intentional

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learning was communication.

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It's changed my whole personal life. It's changed my relationships.

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And it's put me in a place where I can support others. And some of those courses

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are around authentic relating.

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That was a real transformative course for me to learn how to express myself

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and listen, which is a common theme amongst men that I was faced with in a relationship with a woman,

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my partner at the time, would repeatedly tell me that I'm not listening or she doesn't feel heard.

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And I couldn't fathom what that really meant because I'm like,

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well, I heard what you said. You said this.

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I wasn't really listening to the message in her words.

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So I've done that around communication and I've also done some trauma-informed stuff.

00:16:36.935 --> 00:16:42.055
And through the work I do in men's work and men's circles, there's skills that

00:16:42.055 --> 00:16:48.735
I've learned through there in facilitation and certain processes to benefit sessions.

00:16:49.375 --> 00:16:54.955
So it's more around, it would be closer to psychotherapy than psychology is

00:16:54.955 --> 00:16:57.055
what I bring to sessions that I've learned. Okay.

00:16:57.495 --> 00:17:01.515
You work on your own, don't you? Yeah, I work on my own in conversations with

00:17:01.515 --> 00:17:06.875
Kyle and I'm starting to collaborate with others with certain projects. Yeah.

00:17:07.055 --> 00:17:10.875
And you've got social media, you've got, what have you got, Facebook?

00:17:11.155 --> 00:17:16.455
Yes, I've got a Facebook page, I've got an Instagram page, and that's me fumbling

00:17:16.455 --> 00:17:19.055
around on social media trying to get my message across.

00:17:19.295 --> 00:17:21.595
So that's been a whole learning curve for me.

00:17:23.035 --> 00:17:29.155
It is, well, I understand that. So how long does this take? I mean,

00:17:29.315 --> 00:17:34.755
if you sort of start working with a person on average, because obviously some

00:17:34.755 --> 00:17:37.255
are quicker to learn than others. Yeah.

00:17:38.048 --> 00:17:42.388
How long does it normally take on average? So the five sessions,

00:17:42.628 --> 00:17:47.648
one session, 10 sessions sort of drives that. Yeah, I think that's it.

00:17:47.928 --> 00:17:50.008
Yeah, it's a good question. How long does it take?

00:17:50.608 --> 00:17:55.908
From what I'm witnessing in clients, it depends on what the client really wants.

00:17:55.928 --> 00:17:59.228
And I'm starting to get clearer on the clients I want to work with.

00:17:59.388 --> 00:18:05.588
So if someone just wants some clarity and relief and insight as to what's happening

00:18:05.588 --> 00:18:12.928
in their life, So there's a sense of feeling stuck or confused or lost or kind of without direction.

00:18:13.908 --> 00:18:19.108
In the first session, there will be clarity and relief. I know that.

00:18:19.928 --> 00:18:26.468
However, if people want to embark on change and changing patterns that they've

00:18:26.468 --> 00:18:30.208
recognized are destructive, whether it's to their work life,

00:18:30.308 --> 00:18:32.148
their family life, their relationships,

00:18:32.768 --> 00:18:35.088
individual pursuits, that takes time.

00:18:35.088 --> 00:18:41.048
And I've been working with clients, yeah, between a month is enough to start

00:18:41.048 --> 00:18:43.228
someone seeing some change.

00:18:43.308 --> 00:18:47.648
And I've been working with one man for about 12, 14 months.

00:18:47.988 --> 00:18:54.188
And the change in that man is being recognized by his sisters, by his new partners.

00:18:54.548 --> 00:19:00.008
And it's not necessarily from me. It's me drawing it out of him.

00:19:01.268 --> 00:19:06.368
It takes time. Yeah. So when you say- You know, when you say 14 months,

00:19:06.468 --> 00:19:09.568
is that once a month or once a fortnight or is it?

00:19:09.648 --> 00:19:12.208
This man I've been working with on a weekly basis.

00:19:12.448 --> 00:19:17.068
Right. And the thing with him, it's really exciting to work with him because he was ready.

00:19:17.648 --> 00:19:23.088
He's, he was, yeah, he was just so done with, with what was happening in his life.

00:19:23.228 --> 00:19:26.088
He's like, I know something needs to change and I'm ready.

00:19:26.348 --> 00:19:29.988
And that's the optimal time for people to get support,

00:19:30.148 --> 00:19:33.428
whether it's with me, I've got resources but there's

00:19:33.428 --> 00:19:36.288
a readiness that i look for in

00:19:36.288 --> 00:19:39.468
clients because yeah some people just they feel

00:19:39.468 --> 00:19:42.208
like they just want to talk and talk with people and there's

00:19:42.208 --> 00:19:47.048
definitely services out there that may be more suitable for them but yeah for

00:19:47.048 --> 00:19:53.428
me i look for readiness for change in clients and when that is there then yeah

00:19:53.428 --> 00:19:57.488
it could be yeah it could only be a couple of months before people really work

00:19:57.488 --> 00:19:59.728
through things that have been holding them back.

00:20:00.288 --> 00:20:06.448
Right. Okay. So, yeah, go back to where you come in with the preamble,

00:20:06.568 --> 00:20:10.748
if you like, the 30 minutes that you give to people to find out if,

00:20:10.908 --> 00:20:14.468
A, can you help them and, B, do they want you to help them.

00:20:15.028 --> 00:20:19.448
You sort of, how close have you been when you've sort of looked at someone,

00:20:19.808 --> 00:20:23.908
spoken to them and said, oh, yes, I think you're going to need a month or two

00:20:23.908 --> 00:20:28.448
months or whatever, or no, you only need a couple of sessions to turn it over

00:20:28.448 --> 00:20:30.448
or is it that way inclined?

00:20:31.248 --> 00:20:32.788
Yeah, well, I guess, yeah, it's

00:20:32.788 --> 00:20:36.708
a good question, Paul, because everyone's going to be different based on,

00:20:37.499 --> 00:20:44.959
I think that the key here is how deeply or how well does someone know themselves?

00:20:45.339 --> 00:20:49.899
And to get that understanding may take a period of time.

00:20:50.879 --> 00:20:54.439
And particularly with emotional intelligence, because I know when I've worked

00:20:54.439 --> 00:21:01.399
with men and their understanding of their own emotions and suppressed emotions was not understood.

00:21:02.179 --> 00:21:08.399
Some men have never felt sadness because at some point it got shut off internally.

00:21:09.299 --> 00:21:13.479
And so that can be a period of time to work with that, to start opening that

00:21:13.479 --> 00:21:16.059
up. So it's case by case, really.

00:21:16.279 --> 00:21:20.819
I guess, yeah, it depends on where the person is at and where they want to go.

00:21:21.239 --> 00:21:26.559
But it is case by case. It's really hard to box anyone in because, yeah, we're humans.

00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:31.599
Yeah. So we've been talking about male to female.

00:21:32.779 --> 00:21:38.179
The problem is the guys have got a problem with their ex who happens to be a female.

00:21:38.459 --> 00:21:41.439
What about same-sex people, like two guys?

00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:48.119
Do you find they sort of understand each other more than the guy with the woman? Yeah.

00:21:48.464 --> 00:21:54.204
Yeah, it's a good question. So something that is under the surface in relationships,

00:21:55.084 --> 00:21:59.544
and it may not be familiar to everybody, but it's the terms of the masculine

00:21:59.544 --> 00:22:02.464
and the feminine energy. So they're energies.

00:22:02.764 --> 00:22:08.204
Right. So masculine energy, put really, really simply, is the drive,

00:22:08.544 --> 00:22:14.264
is the direction, is the logistics, is the data, is getting stuff done.

00:22:15.144 --> 00:22:20.644
And the feminine energy is more the creative, the flow, the emotional,

00:22:21.044 --> 00:22:23.064
the in-tune-with-nature kind of elements.

00:22:23.744 --> 00:22:28.424
But these are both part of men and women, but they may be in different portions.

00:22:29.504 --> 00:22:34.224
So when you're talking about same-sex couples, that masculine and feminine dynamic

00:22:34.224 --> 00:22:38.944
is still going to play out in the relationship, and that's where the polarity is.

00:22:39.164 --> 00:22:43.804
That's where the connection is. Right, right, right. But if you've got two people

00:22:43.804 --> 00:22:48.084
that are very masculine, whether they're men or women, that are very driven,

00:22:48.224 --> 00:22:52.764
that are very directional, that are very logical, who's in the emotional space?

00:22:53.004 --> 00:22:56.104
So you've kind of got this head-butting thing going on. And then if you've got

00:22:56.104 --> 00:23:00.004
two people that are in the feminine energy and they're in the flow and they're

00:23:00.004 --> 00:23:03.424
creative, then nothing's getting done. Right, right.

00:23:03.984 --> 00:23:08.084
So you're saying that if you get that head-butting, if you like,

00:23:08.684 --> 00:23:14.304
with either male or female, you're never going to cure the problem, are you? Yeah.

00:23:15.044 --> 00:23:21.944
Where's the connection going to be if it's basically the trust and surrender dynamic? Yeah.

00:23:22.504 --> 00:23:27.124
The structure is the masculine, the flow is the feminine. So with structure, there can be flow.

00:23:27.384 --> 00:23:31.104
And if there's too much structure, there's no flow. That's the masculine and

00:23:31.104 --> 00:23:37.024
feminine again. So it's working out how to get that magic in the relationship,

00:23:37.064 --> 00:23:39.644
whether it's two men, it's two women, or a man and a woman.

00:23:40.344 --> 00:23:45.684
How do you get that magic where there's this nice feeling of the structure here and this flow?

00:23:45.964 --> 00:23:49.984
Yeah, this is where you get, you recognize or you have to get to recognize that

00:23:49.984 --> 00:23:53.204
this is what's going and who is the masculine and the feminine.

00:23:53.784 --> 00:23:59.344
And basically you aim at that to try and change the behavior, if you like.

00:23:59.704 --> 00:24:05.284
You know, one of them's got to give you away somewhere and this is where they've

00:24:05.284 --> 00:24:07.444
got to change. That would be pretty hard to do, wouldn't it?

00:24:07.604 --> 00:24:10.424
It can be hard to change. however this is

00:24:10.424 --> 00:24:13.304
where that readiness is because say i'm working with

00:24:13.304 --> 00:24:16.424
a man or a woman who's very career driven and

00:24:16.424 --> 00:24:19.364
very logistics driven and very goal driven and very

00:24:19.364 --> 00:24:23.904
structured and directional that's got a role as being a provider whether it's

00:24:23.904 --> 00:24:26.964
a man or a woman so they're out they're doing the career they're getting the

00:24:26.964 --> 00:24:31.204
money they're providing for the family financially but at some point that role

00:24:31.204 --> 00:24:35.404
needs to be to be dropped to be able to connect with another human and that's

00:24:35.404 --> 00:24:37.544
where like the emotional space is important.

00:24:37.804 --> 00:24:42.544
And when people recognize those kinds of shortfalls where it's like typically

00:24:42.544 --> 00:24:46.104
most men that I've talked to, they can't stop the doing.

00:24:46.404 --> 00:24:49.184
It's like they're going to be doing something all the time and I talk to them

00:24:49.184 --> 00:24:51.264
about, well, where are you just being?

00:24:51.584 --> 00:24:55.344
Because, you know, say if I want to take my partner out on a date and I'm constantly

00:24:55.344 --> 00:24:58.244
doing it, it's like, yeah, let's go for coffee, then we'll do this and then

00:24:58.244 --> 00:25:02.884
we'll do that. At some point she's going to say, hey, like where do we get to relax in all this?

00:25:03.024 --> 00:25:06.924
Yeah. I just want to sit and have a coffee and look at the trees and talk to

00:25:06.924 --> 00:25:08.664
the people at the cafe and relax.

00:25:09.624 --> 00:25:13.104
But if I'm like on, she's going to feel that tension and feel like,

00:25:13.204 --> 00:25:16.804
well, yeah, how can I connect with you? How can I feel your presence?

00:25:16.944 --> 00:25:20.724
I posted these yesterday on my socials and that's typically a craving,

00:25:20.984 --> 00:25:24.184
yeah, of the feminine, the man's presence, the masculine presence.

00:25:24.384 --> 00:25:26.884
So many men are fixed on doing. Yeah.

00:25:27.184 --> 00:25:30.684
You obviously went through these phases. If you haven't done,

00:25:30.824 --> 00:25:35.524
you don't understand, I suppose. So you've gone through all these emotions and

00:25:35.524 --> 00:25:38.584
sort of come out of the other end a little bit better.

00:25:39.066 --> 00:25:43.066
Yeah, it was because of, yeah, the relationship's ending. That that was because

00:25:43.066 --> 00:25:44.286
I have a very hard forehead.

00:25:44.726 --> 00:25:47.786
It's like I wouldn't get the message in the relationship. And then I got the

00:25:47.786 --> 00:25:50.746
message once she decided to leave. And that was really heartbreaking.

00:25:51.426 --> 00:25:56.206
And I was in a relationship where, yeah, I was really strong in the doing.

00:25:56.346 --> 00:25:59.366
I was market gardening. I was just focused on the garden.

00:25:59.726 --> 00:26:04.306
It's a really demanding occupation and lifestyle, growing seasonal vegetables.

00:26:04.306 --> 00:26:08.466
It was on the South Coast, New South Wales. and in my doing and being,

00:26:08.626 --> 00:26:09.786
it's all I could think about.

00:26:09.946 --> 00:26:13.466
Here's a woman going, when are we going to spend some time together?

00:26:13.786 --> 00:26:16.526
You know, when are we going to spend special time? And I'm like,

00:26:16.606 --> 00:26:20.146
what do you mean special time? Like you helped me in the garden.

00:26:20.806 --> 00:26:24.606
And she's like pulling her hair out going, that's not special time.

00:26:24.746 --> 00:26:26.986
She's like, I want to go to the beach. I want to go on a bushwalk.

00:26:27.206 --> 00:26:28.686
And I'm like, yeah, but I got the garden.

00:26:28.946 --> 00:26:36.346
And so I was, yeah, I was very blinded by her emotional, her emotional desires and needs to connect.

00:26:36.546 --> 00:26:38.546
And I was blinded by my doing.

00:26:38.826 --> 00:26:42.146
And she couldn't get what she needed in the relationship. So,

00:26:42.266 --> 00:26:47.106
yeah, I accept now 100% why she chose to leave.

00:26:47.506 --> 00:26:50.446
Yeah. So now we're in a better place. Absolutely.

00:26:51.266 --> 00:26:54.946
I feel like I've done a PhD on myself.

00:26:57.286 --> 00:27:00.286
Well, Kyle, thanks for having this chat with us.

00:27:00.486 --> 00:27:04.926
And you've been very informative. So just before we wind up this episode,

00:27:04.926 --> 00:27:07.986
you might like to give our listeners some information.

00:27:08.306 --> 00:27:13.686
If some people want to contact you, I take it that your website would probably

00:27:13.686 --> 00:27:16.686
be the first port of call and the best place to get in touch with you.

00:27:17.452 --> 00:27:22.412
Even if they need further info, they can get hold of you and you can take it from there.

00:27:22.812 --> 00:27:27.632
Yeah, the website is www.conversationswithkyle.com.au.

00:27:29.132 --> 00:27:30.512
Conversationswithkyle, is it? Yes.

00:27:32.112 --> 00:27:35.712
Conversationswithkyle.com. Yeah, .com.au. .com.au.

00:27:35.812 --> 00:27:41.452
So you can put that in the web browser there and you'll get to my website.

00:27:41.612 --> 00:27:46.992
The website, there's an opening and there's a page about me and a little bit about how I grew up.

00:27:47.452 --> 00:27:51.592
And some of the things I've done are to build the service that I have to offer people.

00:27:51.712 --> 00:27:55.672
And that includes some stuff with the Gottman's Institute around relationships.

00:27:55.992 --> 00:27:59.052
So yeah, there's a bit about me and then my offerings.

00:27:59.112 --> 00:28:04.152
I'm looking to change my offerings, but at the moment they're costed per session.

00:28:04.332 --> 00:28:10.072
I'm looking to start creating packages, like I said, so I can support people on a journey.

00:28:10.612 --> 00:28:14.272
And so my services are available there. There's a contact page.

00:28:14.732 --> 00:28:17.612
People can get in touch with me through that website. Otherwise,

00:28:17.872 --> 00:28:21.032
like you referenced, there's a Facebook page and an Instagram page,

00:28:21.132 --> 00:28:24.192
Conversations with Kyle. The same thing?

00:28:24.812 --> 00:28:29.612
Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Well, I think we've had a pretty good little chat here.

00:28:30.232 --> 00:28:35.992
I now understand, firstly, what a coach is and a conversationalist is.

00:28:36.152 --> 00:28:37.672
I don't know the differences.

00:28:38.072 --> 00:28:41.932
But, yeah, that was very interesting. Thank you very much for giving us your

00:28:41.932 --> 00:28:46.692
time and look forward to seeing how you go in the next 12 months or so and then

00:28:46.692 --> 00:28:48.712
I'll talk to you and see how you went.

00:28:49.152 --> 00:28:52.532
Yeah, that'd be good. It takes me your time, Paul. I appreciate your time and

00:28:52.532 --> 00:28:53.832
giving us this time. Thank you.

00:28:54.132 --> 00:28:57.332
My pleasure. Thanks very much, Carl. Have a good day. Thank you.

00:28:58.172 --> 00:29:02.892
Thank you for listening to Why Is It So? Make sure you tune in to our next episode.

00:29:03.232 --> 00:29:06.212
Remember, it's your last defence for common sense.