Unveiling the Role of a Conversationalist: Meet Kyle Levier


In this episode of "Why Is It So?", I welcome special guest Kyle Levy, a conversationalist with unique insights into personal growth and emotional intelligence coaching. Kyle shares his journey from personal relationship challenges to becoming a professional who helps others understand and navigate their emotions.
Kyle explains the distinction between a life coach and his role as an Insight and Emotional Intelligence Coach, aiming to bridge the gap between conventional psychology and talk therapy. With relatable anecdotes, he emphasises the importance of recognising suppressed emotions and building emotional intelligence to improve personal and professional relationships.
The episode delves into Kyle's approach to coaching, his target demographics, and the importance of readiness for change. It highlights the common barriers men face in acknowledging mental health and self-care, as well as the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies in relationships. Through candid discussions, Kyle offers a glimpse into his methodologies and avenues for getting in touch with him for further support.
00:16 - Introduction to the Podcast
01:28 - Understanding Life Coaching
02:50 - Kyle’s Journey to Coaching
04:30 - Demographics of Kyle’s Clients
07:05 - Men’s Hesitance Toward Mental Health
08:56 - Emotional Intelligence in Coaching
10:53 - Promoting the Coaching Service
12:11 - Connecting with International Clients
13:51 - The Initial Consultation Process
15:10 - Training and Experience in Coaching
16:49 - Working Independently in Coaching
17:50 - Duration of Coaching Sessions
19:26 - Readiness for Change in Clients
21:27 - Addressing Same-Sex Relationship Dynamics
23:27 - Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies
25:27 - Personal Growth Through Relationships
26:57 - Closing Thoughts and Contact Information
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Welcome to Why Is It So? Your last defence for common sense,
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with your co-hosts Paul Zammett and Vince Locizzano.
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Welcome to Why Is It So? I'm Paul, and unfortunately my co-host Vince is still
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recouping from some surgery he had.
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Today I have a special guest who I came across and when I got talking to him
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and what he does, I found very interesting.
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I'm sure that you will also find this episode interesting.
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Our guest, Kyle Levy, is what is called a conversationalist,
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who I thought is also a life coach, but I quickly found out not a life coach.
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He classified his profession as being between a psychiatrist who is a medical
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doctor and can treat a patient with medicine and talk therapy,
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and the psychologist treats a patient with talk therapy and assessments.
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Both treat people with mental problems in different ways.
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Listening to him tell his story is very informative, so I'll introduce you to Kyle now.
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Well, Kyle, I'll just introduce you as a life coach or a conversationalist,
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but there are many people out there, me included, who don't know exactly what a life coach is.
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Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about life coaches. It is somewhat a gray area and
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I love that you've been honest around.
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You don't know what it is and there's others that may not know what it is because
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I think thinking about this more deeply,
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traditionally, there wasn't a place for even coaching
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and And it's like something that's come out of the middle ground between psychology
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and psychotherapy and counseling and these more defined professions where a
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coach in its simple form is helping somebody achieve a goal that they have already set.
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Oh, okay. Yeah. I get you. Yep, yep. And coaching is more around working with
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the person and what they already know. Yeah.
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Whereas what you're doing is you're actually helping them with a problem they
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have and they don't know what you're doing wrong. Is that basically in a shell?
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Yeah, a hundred percent. And I guess the title that I run with is Insight and
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Emotional Intelligence Coach. So that identifies the two areas that I work in.
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One, offering insights to people from what they tell me and very intentional questions that I ask.
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And also the emotional intelligence arena where developing emotional intelligence
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that looks like how well do I know my own emotions and how I interact with them
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and how I can support and interact with other people's emotions.
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Okay. So what actually led you to go in that direction? Obviously,
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it wasn't just a thunderbolt from the sky that said, hey, this is what you've got to do.
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What drove you to it? Yeah. Yeah, good question.
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It's my lived experiences from relationships with women and essentially how
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in some way or another, I would unconsciously or unknowingly destroy them.
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And what I mean by that is, yeah, not through any form of violence or anything,
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but just there's parts of me that would sabotage the relationships.
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So I had this pursuit of love with a woman and I want to have a relationship
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and I want things to be beautiful and connected.
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And there was parts of me that were just sabotaging that. And I started to notice
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patterns in me that would do that.
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And a lot of that area was, yeah, how I interacted with my emotions and more
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so how I didn't even know how my suppressed emotions were interfering with the
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connection with a woman.
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And I typically only really knew joy and anger and had no understanding or experience
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of my sadness or other emotions.
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And so my partner would typically just get either happy me or angry me. Yeah.
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Yeah. And yeah, through relationship breakup and the heartache is,
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that was typically the catalyst for my transformation.
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So you were actually looking at a woman or a person and it says, yeah, yeah.
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I like this person, let's get together without actually thinking about anything
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further than that at this stage until you sort of got to know the person and
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then the problems start. Is that basically it all?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty much. All it was, my attitude and my approach to relationship
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was, yeah, just seeing a woman that I was attracted to,
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things I liked about her, some physical attraction, and then I would just go
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into a relationship, but there
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was no real kind of clarity of what I was bringing to the relationship,
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who she was on a deeper level and how to meet her and how to nourish her in
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the ways that she needed.
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It was just this thing that kind of
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It was almost like a thing that just unfolded like a, I don't know,
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like a game of football or something. It just, it started somewhere and it unfolded.
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And for the first part, it was really fun and nice and connective for a certain
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point. And people refer to it as the honeymoon period.
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Yeah. And then things would start to surface in me or in her.
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And it was just, yeah, it was just a road of deterioration. Yeah. Yeah.
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Tell me, what is your demographic? Is it mostly men or women or couples or singles
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or what age range do you, how do you sort of, your population,
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who are you talking to and how are you getting there? Yeah.
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Yes. It's something I ask myself too, Paul. My target is men.
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Right. And I feel like because of my age
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and the way I've grown up and the generation I grew up with, so I'm 48,
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so I grew up as a little boy in the 80s and 90s and I feel like there's a certain
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cultural imprinting during those years of growing up.
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So I feel like I resonate with men in my age group. So they are my target audience.
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Men are my target audience, put simply. And I'm starting to move more towards
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men that haven't had children yet.
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So men that are looking to go into relationship, to start having children.
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So men around mid-20s to mid-30s, talking
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to them about really healthy values and attributes of masculinity that it's
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a really confusing arena for men in this time with this explosion of male influences
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that are on social media and all these different ideas of what a man is and
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how he should be and different things.
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And ironically, I have more women following my social media accounts than men.
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So I've got some work to do on my messaging, I think. But my target audience
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is definitely men and working with men in their relationships with their partners.
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Do you see that guys, men generally are hesitant to do anything with mental
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health or physical health or, you know, I've got a mile, so I've got,
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no, that'll be all right.
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I'll go and see the doctor next week and they put it off all the time.
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Why do they come to you for, you know, to tell them what they're doing wrong in a relationship?
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I think, yeah, you present two different parts there, Paul. And there's this stoicism in men.
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There's this persona that men shouldn't really show any sign of weakness.
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And men have different perspectives of what is perceived as weakness.
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And this can all be characterized growing up in the formative years and as young
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boys. And it can come in the form of, you know, boys don't cry.
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Don't be a sook are you carrying on like a little girl and
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all these kind of really subtle things that little boys get
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uh delivered with and so after a
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while there's this emotional suppression that develops and little boy learns
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that oh okay i'm only liked or i'm only loved if i'm happy or if i'm playful
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or certain emotions aren't permitted or encouraged so men learn to just get
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on with it and like you said it looks like mental health looks like self-care
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or a mole or we're not taking care of ourselves.
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And men typically haven't found the confidence and understand the importance
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of self-care and self-love.
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Because if I don't put myself first, how can I take care of,
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let's use like the analogy of a king and a kingdom.
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This is not in any way oppressing of anyone, but it's like, how can I be the
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best king and take care of my kingdom if I'm not taking care of myself?
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And I think there's a lot of misconception that me taking care of myself is selfish.
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Yeah so a lot of men don't and so the reason
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why would men come and talk to me is i really feel
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that i've got a past history as a tradie so i was
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a painter and decorator for 14 years i've done
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some market gardening i'm fairly fairly relatable
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in the way that i live i play guitar i campfire guitar i surf i do things like
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that so i'm relatable and i feel like because of my lived experiences that resonate
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with so many men and the struggles that i've faced and worked through I think
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on a deeper level, men trust me.
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Hypothetically, when I ring you and start talking to you about what my problem
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is, do you get emotional because you're actually reliving what you went through?
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How do you feel about that? Yeah, it's an interesting question. Do I get emotional?
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And I think this really ties into emotional intelligence because something that's
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part of emotional intelligence is emotional boundaries.
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So to me, learning when my emotions are now being influenced by another and
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I lose myself in another person's emotions.
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So back to your question, do I get emotional?
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I don't think I get emotional, but I'm empathetic and I can relate.
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So if a man talks to me about the guilt and the regret that he feels after a
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breakup because he started reflecting on the relationship that he had with a
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woman and he can now clearly see how he dishonored her and how he dishonored himself,
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that raises a lot of guilt and a lot of sadness for
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men and i can relate to that so i don't
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i don't lose myself in the emotion i can meet him
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with empathy and compassion and understand what
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he's here what yeah and understand and relate through
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the experience i can say yeah man i've been there i can i can relate to that
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and i feel like more often than not when men hear that another man is having
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a similar or had a similar experience through that there's a lot of relief because
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men tend to isolate and feel like they're the only ones facing the problem and I've been there.
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Why do I keep messing up relationships?
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I look around and everyone seems to be in love and having these amazing relationships.
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So in sessions with people, I don't lose myself to the emotion,
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but I can definitely relate and be empathetic and compassionate.
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However, there's a time that is needed to be spent there.
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But there is a pathway into doing something about it, taking action,
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looking at how to make change an effective that man can use to grow from learning
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the lessons in the painful event.
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Okay. What about hypothetical? How does it start off? and promote yourself in
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different ways, obviously, and mostly in social media, isn't it?
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Yeah, social media, yes. I've unknowingly and sometimes reluctantly have to
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use social media to promote myself.
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It's probably one of the lower cost forms of advertising.
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But I do feel that a lot of, well, I know that statistically,
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a lot of my clients come through referrals from others.
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And they're probably the best ones to get because they know exactly what's,
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well, not exactly, but they know what they're going to go through and what we've done before.
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Totally. Well, I guess, yeah, if you have to think about it yourself,
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Paul, if you're needing support with something and you talk to someone you trust
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and they mention someone that's helped them, yeah, how does that impact you?
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Yeah. So you mentioned that you've got work with people all over the world and
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you mentioned somewhere, Dubai was at the end.
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And is this sort of a regular thing? Do you have a lot of overseas stuff?
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And how does it sort of work?
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Okay, you sort of do the same thing as what we're doing here on sort of something
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like Zoom or is it a flat call?
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I mean, I'm in Melbourne, so if I want to talk to you about my problem,
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how do I get in touch with you?
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What do I sort of start off with and say, here I am, what happens?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do people want to get, how can people get in touch with me?
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So, yeah, the international clients that I have have come through.
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Business collaborations, so that's through, there's a
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woman that does gentle parenting stuff so she's been working
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with clients around raising children and she has
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she has a network of clients and some are international as
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well because of the modern day technology of
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instant video conferencing we have access to an
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international market now and so some of those clients have started to talk about
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relationship problems and then she refers them on to me and yeah and so the
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people that are the clients i have in dubai They have their own social network
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and so they're referring me on to their friends to get support through relationships.
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So that's how that works. But if people want to get in touch with me,
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the best port of call is my website, which is www.conversationswithkyle.com.au.
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And in there, there's stuff about me and there's a little booking portal.
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And I offer a 30-minute chat to any new potential client to screen me.
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Oh, okay. Because if someone, if I know for me as a man, if I'm going to share
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my problems and issues with another man, I need to trust him.
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And I need to recognize that he's trustworthy and he has the capacity to help
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me in the way I want to be helped.
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Because most men kind of know what they want, know what they need.
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Yeah. And it's just a matter of drawing that out.
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And then, yeah, the men can screen me. It's the same for couples.
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So everyone can go through my website, make a booking for a 30-minute chat,
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and we take it from there. and that's a space to understand what's happening
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and for people to ask me questions around, okay, how can you help us or how can you help me?
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That's an opportunity. This is a free service, isn't it, that 30 minutes?
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It's getting to know you and see, well, if you can help them and they'll see,
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well, yeah, they think you can help them. It's that way.
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Yeah, yeah, 100%. It's just an opportunity to really get a feel for what I offer
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and who I am. It's a screening process, essentially.
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So basically, you do face-to-face this way, or do you do just audio like a telephone?
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It's important for me to have video conferencing because there's so many cues
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that I can pick up visually from people.
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So there's little tells. So that's how I can understand what's happening for
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them emotionally or somatically or in their nervous system through visual.
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So it's really important for me to be able to see.
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You just sort of read the face and when the person's talking to you,
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you just sort of work it from there.
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And body language, yeah, 100%. Particularly if people don't have their own emotional
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intelligence at this point, this is where my skill is really helpful for them to help understand.
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Because if I'm sitting here and I'm having a session with you,
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Paul, and you're sitting there and your arms are folded in a typical male fashion
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and your language is really short and your answers are short.
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I'm getting information from you, from your body language.
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Have you taken a course on this thing or have you just sort of gone from this
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is what I've learned directly and I know how I felt and I pass that on to the person I'm talking to?
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Yeah, okay. So have I done courses? I have done courses. So what gives me the
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confidence to do what I do is my lived experiences and the challenges I faced
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that brought me a lot of pain and how I worked through them.
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So there's resources there available that I can share.
00:15:41.595 --> 00:15:47.155
But I think the most powerful things that I've learned through courses and intentional
00:15:47.155 --> 00:15:48.715
learning was communication.
00:15:49.715 --> 00:15:53.495
It's changed my whole personal life. It's changed my relationships.
00:15:53.935 --> 00:15:59.135
And it's put me in a place where I can support others. And some of those courses
00:15:59.135 --> 00:16:01.315
are around authentic relating.
00:16:01.675 --> 00:16:06.935
That was a real transformative course for me to learn how to express myself
00:16:06.935 --> 00:16:14.815
and listen, which is a common theme amongst men that I was faced with in a relationship with a woman,
00:16:15.335 --> 00:16:21.115
my partner at the time, would repeatedly tell me that I'm not listening or she doesn't feel heard.
00:16:21.115 --> 00:16:24.655
And I couldn't fathom what that really meant because I'm like,
00:16:24.795 --> 00:16:26.735
well, I heard what you said. You said this.
00:16:27.555 --> 00:16:31.355
I wasn't really listening to the message in her words.
00:16:31.555 --> 00:16:36.275
So I've done that around communication and I've also done some trauma-informed stuff.
00:16:36.935 --> 00:16:42.055
And through the work I do in men's work and men's circles, there's skills that
00:16:42.055 --> 00:16:48.735
I've learned through there in facilitation and certain processes to benefit sessions.
00:16:49.375 --> 00:16:54.955
So it's more around, it would be closer to psychotherapy than psychology is
00:16:54.955 --> 00:16:57.055
what I bring to sessions that I've learned. Okay.
00:16:57.495 --> 00:17:01.515
You work on your own, don't you? Yeah, I work on my own in conversations with
00:17:01.515 --> 00:17:06.875
Kyle and I'm starting to collaborate with others with certain projects. Yeah.
00:17:07.055 --> 00:17:10.875
And you've got social media, you've got, what have you got, Facebook?
00:17:11.155 --> 00:17:16.455
Yes, I've got a Facebook page, I've got an Instagram page, and that's me fumbling
00:17:16.455 --> 00:17:19.055
around on social media trying to get my message across.
00:17:19.295 --> 00:17:21.595
So that's been a whole learning curve for me.
00:17:23.035 --> 00:17:29.155
It is, well, I understand that. So how long does this take? I mean,
00:17:29.315 --> 00:17:34.755
if you sort of start working with a person on average, because obviously some
00:17:34.755 --> 00:17:37.255
are quicker to learn than others. Yeah.
00:17:38.048 --> 00:17:42.388
How long does it normally take on average? So the five sessions,
00:17:42.628 --> 00:17:47.648
one session, 10 sessions sort of drives that. Yeah, I think that's it.
00:17:47.928 --> 00:17:50.008
Yeah, it's a good question. How long does it take?
00:17:50.608 --> 00:17:55.908
From what I'm witnessing in clients, it depends on what the client really wants.
00:17:55.928 --> 00:17:59.228
And I'm starting to get clearer on the clients I want to work with.
00:17:59.388 --> 00:18:05.588
So if someone just wants some clarity and relief and insight as to what's happening
00:18:05.588 --> 00:18:12.928
in their life, So there's a sense of feeling stuck or confused or lost or kind of without direction.
00:18:13.908 --> 00:18:19.108
In the first session, there will be clarity and relief. I know that.
00:18:19.928 --> 00:18:26.468
However, if people want to embark on change and changing patterns that they've
00:18:26.468 --> 00:18:30.208
recognized are destructive, whether it's to their work life,
00:18:30.308 --> 00:18:32.148
their family life, their relationships,
00:18:32.768 --> 00:18:35.088
individual pursuits, that takes time.
00:18:35.088 --> 00:18:41.048
And I've been working with clients, yeah, between a month is enough to start
00:18:41.048 --> 00:18:43.228
someone seeing some change.
00:18:43.308 --> 00:18:47.648
And I've been working with one man for about 12, 14 months.
00:18:47.988 --> 00:18:54.188
And the change in that man is being recognized by his sisters, by his new partners.
00:18:54.548 --> 00:19:00.008
And it's not necessarily from me. It's me drawing it out of him.
00:19:01.268 --> 00:19:06.368
It takes time. Yeah. So when you say- You know, when you say 14 months,
00:19:06.468 --> 00:19:09.568
is that once a month or once a fortnight or is it?
00:19:09.648 --> 00:19:12.208
This man I've been working with on a weekly basis.
00:19:12.448 --> 00:19:17.068
Right. And the thing with him, it's really exciting to work with him because he was ready.
00:19:17.648 --> 00:19:23.088
He's, he was, yeah, he was just so done with, with what was happening in his life.
00:19:23.228 --> 00:19:26.088
He's like, I know something needs to change and I'm ready.
00:19:26.348 --> 00:19:29.988
And that's the optimal time for people to get support,
00:19:30.148 --> 00:19:33.428
whether it's with me, I've got resources but there's
00:19:33.428 --> 00:19:36.288
a readiness that i look for in
00:19:36.288 --> 00:19:39.468
clients because yeah some people just they feel
00:19:39.468 --> 00:19:42.208
like they just want to talk and talk with people and there's
00:19:42.208 --> 00:19:47.048
definitely services out there that may be more suitable for them but yeah for
00:19:47.048 --> 00:19:53.428
me i look for readiness for change in clients and when that is there then yeah
00:19:53.428 --> 00:19:57.488
it could be yeah it could only be a couple of months before people really work
00:19:57.488 --> 00:19:59.728
through things that have been holding them back.
00:20:00.288 --> 00:20:06.448
Right. Okay. So, yeah, go back to where you come in with the preamble,
00:20:06.568 --> 00:20:10.748
if you like, the 30 minutes that you give to people to find out if,
00:20:10.908 --> 00:20:14.468
A, can you help them and, B, do they want you to help them.
00:20:15.028 --> 00:20:19.448
You sort of, how close have you been when you've sort of looked at someone,
00:20:19.808 --> 00:20:23.908
spoken to them and said, oh, yes, I think you're going to need a month or two
00:20:23.908 --> 00:20:28.448
months or whatever, or no, you only need a couple of sessions to turn it over
00:20:28.448 --> 00:20:30.448
or is it that way inclined?
00:20:31.248 --> 00:20:32.788
Yeah, well, I guess, yeah, it's
00:20:32.788 --> 00:20:36.708
a good question, Paul, because everyone's going to be different based on,
00:20:37.499 --> 00:20:44.959
I think that the key here is how deeply or how well does someone know themselves?
00:20:45.339 --> 00:20:49.899
And to get that understanding may take a period of time.
00:20:50.879 --> 00:20:54.439
And particularly with emotional intelligence, because I know when I've worked
00:20:54.439 --> 00:21:01.399
with men and their understanding of their own emotions and suppressed emotions was not understood.
00:21:02.179 --> 00:21:08.399
Some men have never felt sadness because at some point it got shut off internally.
00:21:09.299 --> 00:21:13.479
And so that can be a period of time to work with that, to start opening that
00:21:13.479 --> 00:21:16.059
up. So it's case by case, really.
00:21:16.279 --> 00:21:20.819
I guess, yeah, it depends on where the person is at and where they want to go.
00:21:21.239 --> 00:21:26.559
But it is case by case. It's really hard to box anyone in because, yeah, we're humans.
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:31.599
Yeah. So we've been talking about male to female.
00:21:32.779 --> 00:21:38.179
The problem is the guys have got a problem with their ex who happens to be a female.
00:21:38.459 --> 00:21:41.439
What about same-sex people, like two guys?
00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:48.119
Do you find they sort of understand each other more than the guy with the woman? Yeah.
00:21:48.464 --> 00:21:54.204
Yeah, it's a good question. So something that is under the surface in relationships,
00:21:55.084 --> 00:21:59.544
and it may not be familiar to everybody, but it's the terms of the masculine
00:21:59.544 --> 00:22:02.464
and the feminine energy. So they're energies.
00:22:02.764 --> 00:22:08.204
Right. So masculine energy, put really, really simply, is the drive,
00:22:08.544 --> 00:22:14.264
is the direction, is the logistics, is the data, is getting stuff done.
00:22:15.144 --> 00:22:20.644
And the feminine energy is more the creative, the flow, the emotional,
00:22:21.044 --> 00:22:23.064
the in-tune-with-nature kind of elements.
00:22:23.744 --> 00:22:28.424
But these are both part of men and women, but they may be in different portions.
00:22:29.504 --> 00:22:34.224
So when you're talking about same-sex couples, that masculine and feminine dynamic
00:22:34.224 --> 00:22:38.944
is still going to play out in the relationship, and that's where the polarity is.
00:22:39.164 --> 00:22:43.804
That's where the connection is. Right, right, right. But if you've got two people
00:22:43.804 --> 00:22:48.084
that are very masculine, whether they're men or women, that are very driven,
00:22:48.224 --> 00:22:52.764
that are very directional, that are very logical, who's in the emotional space?
00:22:53.004 --> 00:22:56.104
So you've kind of got this head-butting thing going on. And then if you've got
00:22:56.104 --> 00:23:00.004
two people that are in the feminine energy and they're in the flow and they're
00:23:00.004 --> 00:23:03.424
creative, then nothing's getting done. Right, right.
00:23:03.984 --> 00:23:08.084
So you're saying that if you get that head-butting, if you like,
00:23:08.684 --> 00:23:14.304
with either male or female, you're never going to cure the problem, are you? Yeah.
00:23:15.044 --> 00:23:21.944
Where's the connection going to be if it's basically the trust and surrender dynamic? Yeah.
00:23:22.504 --> 00:23:27.124
The structure is the masculine, the flow is the feminine. So with structure, there can be flow.
00:23:27.384 --> 00:23:31.104
And if there's too much structure, there's no flow. That's the masculine and
00:23:31.104 --> 00:23:37.024
feminine again. So it's working out how to get that magic in the relationship,
00:23:37.064 --> 00:23:39.644
whether it's two men, it's two women, or a man and a woman.
00:23:40.344 --> 00:23:45.684
How do you get that magic where there's this nice feeling of the structure here and this flow?
00:23:45.964 --> 00:23:49.984
Yeah, this is where you get, you recognize or you have to get to recognize that
00:23:49.984 --> 00:23:53.204
this is what's going and who is the masculine and the feminine.
00:23:53.784 --> 00:23:59.344
And basically you aim at that to try and change the behavior, if you like.
00:23:59.704 --> 00:24:05.284
You know, one of them's got to give you away somewhere and this is where they've
00:24:05.284 --> 00:24:07.444
got to change. That would be pretty hard to do, wouldn't it?
00:24:07.604 --> 00:24:10.424
It can be hard to change. however this is
00:24:10.424 --> 00:24:13.304
where that readiness is because say i'm working with
00:24:13.304 --> 00:24:16.424
a man or a woman who's very career driven and
00:24:16.424 --> 00:24:19.364
very logistics driven and very goal driven and very
00:24:19.364 --> 00:24:23.904
structured and directional that's got a role as being a provider whether it's
00:24:23.904 --> 00:24:26.964
a man or a woman so they're out they're doing the career they're getting the
00:24:26.964 --> 00:24:31.204
money they're providing for the family financially but at some point that role
00:24:31.204 --> 00:24:35.404
needs to be to be dropped to be able to connect with another human and that's
00:24:35.404 --> 00:24:37.544
where like the emotional space is important.
00:24:37.804 --> 00:24:42.544
And when people recognize those kinds of shortfalls where it's like typically
00:24:42.544 --> 00:24:46.104
most men that I've talked to, they can't stop the doing.
00:24:46.404 --> 00:24:49.184
It's like they're going to be doing something all the time and I talk to them
00:24:49.184 --> 00:24:51.264
about, well, where are you just being?
00:24:51.584 --> 00:24:55.344
Because, you know, say if I want to take my partner out on a date and I'm constantly
00:24:55.344 --> 00:24:58.244
doing it, it's like, yeah, let's go for coffee, then we'll do this and then
00:24:58.244 --> 00:25:02.884
we'll do that. At some point she's going to say, hey, like where do we get to relax in all this?
00:25:03.024 --> 00:25:06.924
Yeah. I just want to sit and have a coffee and look at the trees and talk to
00:25:06.924 --> 00:25:08.664
the people at the cafe and relax.
00:25:09.624 --> 00:25:13.104
But if I'm like on, she's going to feel that tension and feel like,
00:25:13.204 --> 00:25:16.804
well, yeah, how can I connect with you? How can I feel your presence?
00:25:16.944 --> 00:25:20.724
I posted these yesterday on my socials and that's typically a craving,
00:25:20.984 --> 00:25:24.184
yeah, of the feminine, the man's presence, the masculine presence.
00:25:24.384 --> 00:25:26.884
So many men are fixed on doing. Yeah.
00:25:27.184 --> 00:25:30.684
You obviously went through these phases. If you haven't done,
00:25:30.824 --> 00:25:35.524
you don't understand, I suppose. So you've gone through all these emotions and
00:25:35.524 --> 00:25:38.584
sort of come out of the other end a little bit better.
00:25:39.066 --> 00:25:43.066
Yeah, it was because of, yeah, the relationship's ending. That that was because
00:25:43.066 --> 00:25:44.286
I have a very hard forehead.
00:25:44.726 --> 00:25:47.786
It's like I wouldn't get the message in the relationship. And then I got the
00:25:47.786 --> 00:25:50.746
message once she decided to leave. And that was really heartbreaking.
00:25:51.426 --> 00:25:56.206
And I was in a relationship where, yeah, I was really strong in the doing.
00:25:56.346 --> 00:25:59.366
I was market gardening. I was just focused on the garden.
00:25:59.726 --> 00:26:04.306
It's a really demanding occupation and lifestyle, growing seasonal vegetables.
00:26:04.306 --> 00:26:08.466
It was on the South Coast, New South Wales. and in my doing and being,
00:26:08.626 --> 00:26:09.786
it's all I could think about.
00:26:09.946 --> 00:26:13.466
Here's a woman going, when are we going to spend some time together?
00:26:13.786 --> 00:26:16.526
You know, when are we going to spend special time? And I'm like,
00:26:16.606 --> 00:26:20.146
what do you mean special time? Like you helped me in the garden.
00:26:20.806 --> 00:26:24.606
And she's like pulling her hair out going, that's not special time.
00:26:24.746 --> 00:26:26.986
She's like, I want to go to the beach. I want to go on a bushwalk.
00:26:27.206 --> 00:26:28.686
And I'm like, yeah, but I got the garden.
00:26:28.946 --> 00:26:36.346
And so I was, yeah, I was very blinded by her emotional, her emotional desires and needs to connect.
00:26:36.546 --> 00:26:38.546
And I was blinded by my doing.
00:26:38.826 --> 00:26:42.146
And she couldn't get what she needed in the relationship. So,
00:26:42.266 --> 00:26:47.106
yeah, I accept now 100% why she chose to leave.
00:26:47.506 --> 00:26:50.446
Yeah. So now we're in a better place. Absolutely.
00:26:51.266 --> 00:26:54.946
I feel like I've done a PhD on myself.
00:26:57.286 --> 00:27:00.286
Well, Kyle, thanks for having this chat with us.
00:27:00.486 --> 00:27:04.926
And you've been very informative. So just before we wind up this episode,
00:27:04.926 --> 00:27:07.986
you might like to give our listeners some information.
00:27:08.306 --> 00:27:13.686
If some people want to contact you, I take it that your website would probably
00:27:13.686 --> 00:27:16.686
be the first port of call and the best place to get in touch with you.
00:27:17.452 --> 00:27:22.412
Even if they need further info, they can get hold of you and you can take it from there.
00:27:22.812 --> 00:27:27.632
Yeah, the website is www.conversationswithkyle.com.au.
00:27:29.132 --> 00:27:30.512
Conversationswithkyle, is it? Yes.
00:27:32.112 --> 00:27:35.712
Conversationswithkyle.com. Yeah, .com.au. .com.au.
00:27:35.812 --> 00:27:41.452
So you can put that in the web browser there and you'll get to my website.
00:27:41.612 --> 00:27:46.992
The website, there's an opening and there's a page about me and a little bit about how I grew up.
00:27:47.452 --> 00:27:51.592
And some of the things I've done are to build the service that I have to offer people.
00:27:51.712 --> 00:27:55.672
And that includes some stuff with the Gottman's Institute around relationships.
00:27:55.992 --> 00:27:59.052
So yeah, there's a bit about me and then my offerings.
00:27:59.112 --> 00:28:04.152
I'm looking to change my offerings, but at the moment they're costed per session.
00:28:04.332 --> 00:28:10.072
I'm looking to start creating packages, like I said, so I can support people on a journey.
00:28:10.612 --> 00:28:14.272
And so my services are available there. There's a contact page.
00:28:14.732 --> 00:28:17.612
People can get in touch with me through that website. Otherwise,
00:28:17.872 --> 00:28:21.032
like you referenced, there's a Facebook page and an Instagram page,
00:28:21.132 --> 00:28:24.192
Conversations with Kyle. The same thing?
00:28:24.812 --> 00:28:29.612
Yeah, yeah, fair enough. Well, I think we've had a pretty good little chat here.
00:28:30.232 --> 00:28:35.992
I now understand, firstly, what a coach is and a conversationalist is.
00:28:36.152 --> 00:28:37.672
I don't know the differences.
00:28:38.072 --> 00:28:41.932
But, yeah, that was very interesting. Thank you very much for giving us your
00:28:41.932 --> 00:28:46.692
time and look forward to seeing how you go in the next 12 months or so and then
00:28:46.692 --> 00:28:48.712
I'll talk to you and see how you went.
00:28:49.152 --> 00:28:52.532
Yeah, that'd be good. It takes me your time, Paul. I appreciate your time and
00:28:52.532 --> 00:28:53.832
giving us this time. Thank you.
00:28:54.132 --> 00:28:57.332
My pleasure. Thanks very much, Carl. Have a good day. Thank you.
00:28:58.172 --> 00:29:02.892
Thank you for listening to Why Is It So? Make sure you tune in to our next episode.
00:29:03.232 --> 00:29:06.212
Remember, it's your last defence for common sense.